tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26212215479426907042024-02-21T03:53:03.623-08:00Martha is a FAT GirlComing to terms with the chubb.Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.comBlogger77125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-54988996825376820632018-08-21T19:33:00.000-07:002018-08-21T19:33:00.481-07:00The Terrible, No Good, Horrible, Dizzies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizeUhW_NBJIb8A6BniIaNgp8jrbdSKapm1l4T1JCyFFW9314oYzBmFIgHLtUY10mCyjpB3oH9Fq8Sy79bxavkKCNv2SklzYKy46T5-iPR9d2KVqxDrTxh3uGxOyDb7HgLoacSg7ZjVaeUB/s1600/24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="256" data-original-width="528" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizeUhW_NBJIb8A6BniIaNgp8jrbdSKapm1l4T1JCyFFW9314oYzBmFIgHLtUY10mCyjpB3oH9Fq8Sy79bxavkKCNv2SklzYKy46T5-iPR9d2KVqxDrTxh3uGxOyDb7HgLoacSg7ZjVaeUB/s1600/24.jpg" /></a></div>
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It started in <a href="http://fatmartha.blogspot.com/2012/04/dizzy-broad.html" target="_blank"><b>2012</b></a>, coming and going over time. The ringing in my right ear, the "froggy" feeling in my head and the worst part... vertigo.<br />
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Since then I have been diagnosed with <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/menieres-disease/symptoms-causes/syc-20374910" target="_blank">Meniere's Disease</a>. For the most part it has been manageable. I just need to be careful not to tip my head a certain way, be sure I sit with my good ear towards the people I want to hear, and try to drink as much water as possible. But since the beginning of 2018 things took a turn. My vertigo attacks started getting frighteningly intense. The best way I can describe an attack is the feeling of someone grabbing the back of your swivel chair and spinning you around with no warning. Once an attack starts, the room flies, I break out in a cold sweat, my heart pounds, I get horribly nauseous and my fingers/toes start to tingle. The first time I had an attack like that I thought I was having a heart attack, the ER doctor assured me it was just an Meniere's attack. From that day on I would not leave the house without my Meclizine. I thought i had it under control, but then I started having these attacks two to three times a week. I never knew when I would have one, during a meeting at work, while relaxing in my craft room, during dinner out with my hubs, or waking up in the middle of the night spinning. It was getting terrible. <br />
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My Aunt Susan, who also deals with Meniere's, suggested I see Dr. Franklin at the <a href="https://www.topekaent.com/" target="_blank">Topeka Ear Nose and Throat Clinic</a>. I was hesitant because I have been <a href="http://topekatogetherstrong.com/" target="_blank">#StFrancisStrong</a> for so long, but I finally gave in because I really, really needed the help. Dr Frankin evaluated my condition and quickly suggested I go for a <a href="https://www.imperial.ac.uk/news/175995/severe-dizziness-treated-with-steroid-injections/" target="_blank">steroid injection in my ear</a>. A STEROID INJECTION IN MY EAR! WHAT?! I was terrified! But he walked me through it and helped me stay calm. It felt weird, but not nearly as painful as I thought it would be. I started noticing an improvement right away. Still a bit froggy but better. The week after I had two vertigo attacks but they were not nearly as bad as previous attacks. I went back a week later and had another injection, so far no attacks. I still feel froggy and the constant threat of spinning if I tilt my head the wrong way, but it's better. I will return Thursday for another injection, hoping that this will be the last one needed for a good long while.<br />
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I know this is just part of my life now, I am so thankful there is something out there to give me a meausre control back in my life. Before these injections I was always afraid of a dizzy hitting. And once a dizzy did come, I was wiped out for the rest of the day. While the vertigo has improved, the ringing in my right ear and hearing loss I've developed is permanent. The hearing in that ear will get weaker and weaker as they ears go by. But thankfully my left ear is mostly unaffected by my condition so far. So if I see you out in the world, please be patient as I will likely say "what" a LOT. I will also lean my left ear towards you like a dork. I'll get this all figured out so please just bear with me. There may be a hearing aid in my future, but for now I'm just focused on getting the vertigo under control.<br />
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I sometimes joke, but I like the idea getting a mute button tattoo by my ear. I really think it might help when I'm out in public. What do you think?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEips_EZEB6brkd1zMSolKtvUKRAW_l1c7V9YeU5EMO64WiMD8wcRmSqyEI-sCb1D0MlkT_R9QgMSKut-lQkMUzTLPzb6gZYv87I3kSLLFS6G8Jk_peW_e25gmiG60jvMgLWIpvBF5kBGxOo/s1600/Mute+button+tattoo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEips_EZEB6brkd1zMSolKtvUKRAW_l1c7V9YeU5EMO64WiMD8wcRmSqyEI-sCb1D0MlkT_R9QgMSKut-lQkMUzTLPzb6gZYv87I3kSLLFS6G8Jk_peW_e25gmiG60jvMgLWIpvBF5kBGxOo/s400/Mute+button+tattoo.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-72303804544388144382016-02-25T20:15:00.000-08:002016-02-25T20:15:14.236-08:00My Satisfied HeartFor the last several years, if not for the last couple of decades, or perhaps my entire life, I have struggled to find my place in the world. What I have wanted seemed to be what so many people get automatically. I wanted a family, friends, a home of my own, a career, a child and a partner. What I have learned along the way is that you don't just get these things automatically, you aren't just handed them. You really have to work at it. Also, no one's life is as simple and easy as it may appear. Everyone struggles, everyone fights battles and everyone is working at it in some way shape or form. Tonight I am sitting here thinking about how very fortunate I am and how very grateful I am for all that I have. Because my heart and my life is very full. I might be a little superstitious because proclaiming this makes me fear that the ceiling will come crashing down. Hopefully that is not the case, but if it is, I will enjoy this moment right here, right now.<br />
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I've noticed it more and more lately, I am changing and I think it is for the better. Little things like thumbing past my more melancholy CD's and choosing more upbeat music to sing along to in the car. Or big things like learning that I am loosing hearing in my right ear and reacting with the thought "Well, my left ear is fine, things could be a lot worse". Every day I hit obstacles and road blocks that might have sent me down a spiral of stress and despair before. Now I see the issues, think through them and roll on. Plus I am happier, I am just really happier. Of course I have bad days, we all do, but I am very satisfied with my life. Not because I am filthy rich and living the high life, far from it. But because my life is full of love, family, friends and more. What more could I ever ask for? I do not yearn for change, I simply enjoy each day in hopes that the next day will be just as full.<br />
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I do not have any major weight loss to report. I've been maintaining but not dropping lately. I just wanted to tell you, dear reader, that life is so very sweet. Take a minute and really look at your life and celebrate what is most precious to you, it makes things so much better when they get rough. <br />
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Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-27500640147309852062016-02-09T05:06:00.000-08:002016-02-09T05:06:25.414-08:00Goals and What-Not<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Well, the last week of January was a bit of a struggle but the first week of February went much better. I haven't been a complete rock star but I've been doing pretty good. Friday I stepped on the scale and saw that I am finally under 280, down to 279 to be exact. That's 25lbs lost!!! That means I've hit my first weight loss goal of 2016! Woo Hoo! To celebrate I would like to play a round of what weighs 25lbs?!<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/5f/8a/6e/5f8a6e10f8f8608680676d8298fc0294.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Gilda is an approximately 3 to 4 year old terrier mix that weighs about 25 pounds. She is good on a leash, friendly, playful, alert and eager to please. She is small enough to still be a lap dog and well behaved at home. Her southern foster mom...: " border="0" height="400" src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/5f/8a/6e/5f8a6e10f8f8608680676d8298fc0294.jpg" width="267" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Gilda is an adorable terrier mix who weighs in at 25lbs!</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/05/13/18/28A1102000000578-0-image-a-26_1431539258639.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: right;"><img alt="'Andre the Giant Cat:' The owner of a Colorado pet store and cat sanctuary says cat adoptions have 'skyrocketed' thanks to a 25-pound feline called 'Andre the Giant Cat'" border="0" height="400" src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/05/13/18/28A1102000000578-0-image-a-26_1431539258639.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">This is Andre the Giant Cat and he weighs an impressive 25lbs!</td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="http://cdn2.bigcommerce.com/server900/ebb63/products/1772/images/7657/Pillow_giant_smiley_yellow_big_plush_pillow_6_feet_Long_Made_in_USA_Big_Plush_com_4__22582.1309073836.1280.1280.JPG?c=2" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="393" src="http://cdn2.bigcommerce.com/server900/ebb63/products/1772/images/7657/Pillow_giant_smiley_yellow_big_plush_pillow_6_feet_Long_Made_in_USA_Big_Plush_com_4__22582.1309073836.1280.1280.JPG?c=2" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">This huge pillow is 5 feet long and weighs 25lbs!</td></tr>
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So I'm feeling pretty good about hitting that first goal but that means I have to keep on working because I still have a long way to go. My next goal is not a weight goal but a size goal. I want to fit into this....</div>
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I purchased this beautiful shirt at The Merchant while visiting the amazing Lisa Boyd. This top is perfect, lovely shade of red, art nouveau flowers and the cut is just fantastic. I tried it on when I got home and my belly is just too big for it. So My next goal is to get to where I can wear this lovely top without constrictions. We will see how it goes!</div>
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Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-470155613523210862016-02-01T12:02:00.000-08:002016-02-01T12:06:37.688-08:00Slipping<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwVvudMp5UzFDuwd3g7pTAuIKjq7DS6X9WMIOVgYlz30ykqFB8UCjCf6w_LJHnLb3PD8qkj7ADCU16-rjM2J7eeOVosealAunbtQj0LptiaagdsBzlCosvZN_y3hD1ZzMtMPmJmAWVrEZd/s1600/slip-on-banana-peel-clip-art-1785553.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwVvudMp5UzFDuwd3g7pTAuIKjq7DS6X9WMIOVgYlz30ykqFB8UCjCf6w_LJHnLb3PD8qkj7ADCU16-rjM2J7eeOVosealAunbtQj0LptiaagdsBzlCosvZN_y3hD1ZzMtMPmJmAWVrEZd/s1600/slip-on-banana-peel-clip-art-1785553.png" /></a></div>
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One thing that I really love about keeping this blog is that it helps me to see the patterns I seem to have in dieting. I start to do well, see some results, get comfortable and then I slip back into bad habits. Since the beginning of this year I have done very well, until last week. Last week I struggled and lost daily. Each time I told myself that I would get back with it "tomorrow". And each tomorrow turned out to be a failure as well. Now, I'm not full-on super sized meal deal failing, but I am slipping a little bit each day. I have started having sodas again which I had completely eliminated. I find myself justifying late night snacks. And I am allowing myself to buy things like three cookies. When I buy the cookies I intend to eat one a day as a snack. But without fail I eat all three in one day. I have to be stronger if I want to get past this stage of teetering and push into a solid healthier lifestyle. The Wunder Hubs has been doing fantastically and seems to be shrinking daily. I know men loose weight faster than women generally but I also know he has been a lot better about watching what he puts in his body. I need to be like him. I also need to get back on the treadmill, I haven't for weeks and I feel it. So far today has been a good day, I am way under my calorie count and I plan on staying that way. We will see how it goes.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0psEuV5g-72Arlv9Fqli35r7B7WuGJ-RcdxFEpBZsgRlNxHmKEMAEC9E40aQXsj6sLaWSBIstf3Rlc3_NPj_jyTlBa99s5UC_BLM57el_rkgd2DO4S7as4fDQrhDuTGhdcEasY9umodvM/s1600/110514-shows-sta-missy-elliott-gossip.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0psEuV5g-72Arlv9Fqli35r7B7WuGJ-RcdxFEpBZsgRlNxHmKEMAEC9E40aQXsj6sLaWSBIstf3Rlc3_NPj_jyTlBa99s5UC_BLM57el_rkgd2DO4S7as4fDQrhDuTGhdcEasY9umodvM/s320/110514-shows-sta-missy-elliott-gossip.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Today's theme song is Missy Elliott's <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdVC6K2jsdw" target="_blank">Lose Control</a> </td></tr>
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Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-42568778450934887792016-01-23T00:00:00.000-08:002016-01-23T00:00:40.411-08:00Long Overdue UpdateIt's been a while since I have shared and a lot has changed. Let me fill you in on what is new. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr4Tr_qu-SVvsuwbrT3RP3kzt7Yzv0GMKUSzm6HjUs1bQtkIpzzUyy2AQQBMilw15fzTkp5wWph72hPD6_XfBUkLTsibMerqgHkSW3LgRlRMl_FDb5yp3LI03gYfCJQvziTR2_kJSR-VPI/s1600/6310027217_3d64aff802_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr4Tr_qu-SVvsuwbrT3RP3kzt7Yzv0GMKUSzm6HjUs1bQtkIpzzUyy2AQQBMilw15fzTkp5wWph72hPD6_XfBUkLTsibMerqgHkSW3LgRlRMl_FDb5yp3LI03gYfCJQvziTR2_kJSR-VPI/s320/6310027217_3d64aff802_b.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Find this and many other fabulous designs at <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/onelittlebirdstudio/" target="_blank">One Little Bird Studio</a></td></tr>
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After years of looking and a lifetime of dreaming, the hubs and I have bought our first house. It is a beautiful little house here in Topeka with plenty of room for the boy to play and the dogs to run. We officially became home owners last May and after a month of taking down wallpaper, refinishing floors and painting we moved in at the beginning of June. We are mostly settled in now, though we still have a list of projects to complete around the house and a few wayward boxes waiting to be unpacked. But we are home and we absolutely love it. After living here for seven months now I still find myself pausing and just thinking about how much I absolutely love this house. Getting here was not easy, we looked at so many houses and we went through some disappointments during the search for our new home. In hindsight now it is easy to see that all of those disappointments happened so we could end up here. Today I am grateful, going through it I was so bummed. I always think I have life figured out and then another lesson comes along and reminds me that I still have no idea what I am doing. :)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7DlnAL02I-c23OhAdYjuChQkdBiuRGriJTS5oMKANPQkYDWynCnOJxht_BZa-4RsMXK13pjBfe71S-FE_ZlO73ACOmdLGTEygxRO0flJAVjtrAa_0l_5_lnROK_7ZeYjS3cgNiRzljKX8/s1600/12279117_10206223976533310_8916329196159516231_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7DlnAL02I-c23OhAdYjuChQkdBiuRGriJTS5oMKANPQkYDWynCnOJxht_BZa-4RsMXK13pjBfe71S-FE_ZlO73ACOmdLGTEygxRO0flJAVjtrAa_0l_5_lnROK_7ZeYjS3cgNiRzljKX8/s320/12279117_10206223976533310_8916329196159516231_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Behold, our Booty Dog</td></tr>
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Our family has grown by one big, black dog. Ophelia came to live with us when she was just three months old. We named her Ophelia because of her big sad eyes and our love of books. At the time, she was a little fluffy puppy that had an extra amount of fluff on her rear end which earned her the nickname "Booty Dog". Now the most effective way to call her is to shout "Booty Booty Booty!", she will come running every time.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I have a new job!</td></tr>
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This past November I started working for <a href="http://www.stfrancistopeka.org/" target="_blank">St. Francis Health</a> and I absolutely LOVE IT. Everyone I have met there is so great. And my boss is simply fantastic to work for. The project load can be challenging at times but that is part of what makes it so satisfying. Being challenged means I am growing and learning as a professional and that is exactly what I want to do. We have been patients of St. Francis for years, From the hub's stay in the PCU, his <a href="http://fatmartha.blogspot.com/2013/05/hollow.html" target="_blank">cardiac event</a> and my hysterectomy have all been with St. Francis. Now I get to be a part of the team that takes care of patients and makes sure that your visit to St. Francis is a good one. I am just over the moon. </div>
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Another outstanding thing about working at the hospital is that there are some side effects that are changing my life in a positive way. Working healthcare makes you really think about your own physical health. Plus the long halls and various objectives means I am up and walking quite a bit during my day, more so than I have in years. As you can imagine, these factors have contributed to a fantastic change in my lifestyle...</div>
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For the first time in three years I am starting to see real results! When I started at St. Francis in November I weighed in at 304 pounds. Yes, the horrible 300 mark was not only hit it was surpassed. In November I had serious back pain, a knee that was constantly swollen and sore, foot pain and I was winded if I exerted myself at all. Nearly three months later I am down 20 pounds, my aches and pains have all improved and while I still get winded when trying to keep up with my colleges in the hallways, I am able to go a lot longer and a lot faster than before. It's not a major loss to report BUT it is a HUGE step in the right direction. Hubs has gotten on board too and has been dropping weight and thinning out quite a bit. He is fantastic about fixing us healthy meals at home so we are not constantly loading up on junk food. One thing that has been motivating him is the PBS special In Defense of Food which is a very good watch and I highly recommend you check it out. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Check out <a href="http://www.pbs.org/food/shows/in-defense-of-food/" target="_blank">In Defense of Food</a></td></tr>
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So I can now say that 20 pounds of <a href="http://fatmartha.blogspot.com/2014/08/six-steps-to-birth-of-bertha.html" target="_blank">Bertha</a> have been removed. Here's to continued Bertha removal. It feels so good to be getting back to progress. Knowing now how very hard it is to get back on track once I slip I am going to do my very best to stick with it this time. I may have some days that are not as good as others, but I can't have weeks that are consistently bad. I have to make the effort to make this a permanent lifestyle change. Right now it is nice to have some good news to report. It feels great. </div>
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Thanks for reading! </div>
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Martie</div>
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<br />Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-88610767184889203832015-08-04T19:42:00.000-07:002015-08-04T19:42:34.819-07:00DO IT!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I spend a lot of time on the internet. I mean a LOT of time. You may call it an obsession and trust me you wouldn't be the first. But I would like to argue that I am studying internet culture, staying on top of trends and making sure that the content I am putting out there for my clients is as relevant and entertaining as possible. Anyways, I have seen a recent increase in <a href="https://vine.co/" target="_blank">Vines </a>featuring Shia LeBeouf giving a very strange motivational speech. Please see the original video below. </div>
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While it may be difficult to take advice from a screaming man with a rather impressive rat tail, he has a point. Don't dream of success, get out there and make it happen. It seems so difficult. We can all come up with reasons why we can't do something. In fact, I am a pro at coming up with reasons why I cannot get my diet and exercise plan back on track. But the plain and beautiful truth is that if I just do it I will be successful. I have to be hard on myself. No more making excuses, no more setting dates to start, if I want to make this happen I just have to DO IT!</div>
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OK Shia LeBeouf, you weird and passionate man. You screamed at me and it made me think. Thank you. </div>
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Now, for some of those crazy Vines that we all love</div>
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Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-27867724822094728422015-04-08T06:31:00.000-07:002015-04-08T06:31:13.267-07:00DepressionHello Friends, Family, and Random People on the Internet.<br />
<br />
I have not posted in quite a while so let me give you an update on my situation. I have hit the 300 pound mark. I am so not pleased with myself, in fact, I am very miserable. I keep telling myself that once we get moved into our house I will diet, exercise, and be an all around better person. Will it work? I have no idea, but I hope it will.<br />
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I just received a text from our Realtor/favorite stand-up comedian <a href="http://www.cbkansas.com/default.cfm/page/agent/cat/display/publicid/2245408/fromprofile/t.htm" target="_blank">Vicki Trembly</a> stating that after a year of trying to buy a home, we have finally made it over the last hurdle. Monday we sign the papers and the house is ours. I am very cautiously excited. But this is the farthest we have ever made it in the process so I am hopeful that it is happening this time.<br />
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So now I have to face reality. I have to get serious about weight loss, exercise, and I think more importantly my depression. I have been in denial about my depression for so long, I'm a tank, I can deal with anything that comes my way. That's how I've always coped. Just muscle through it and pretty soon you just wont think about it any more. But that's not the case, I end up getting to the point I can relax and then all I want to do is talk about the bad things that have happened. The only trouble is I don't trust anyone to handle what I have to say so I end up just keeping it to my self or trying to talk to the hubs but I end up overwhelming him. So I just push through. <br />
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OK, here it goes. I am depressed.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="irc_su" dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;">Goddess of Depression. By Victor Nazarenko</span></td></tr>
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I am depressed because my childhood was horribly unfair. I am depressed because I have lost family after family. I am depressed because my first child died. I am depressed because I have struggled with infertility. I am depressed because I come from nothing. I am depressed because I can't talk to my best friend. I am depressed because I cannot get control over my weight. I am depressed because someone very important to me thinks I used her. I am depressed because life is unfair. I am depressed because I feel I will never be valuable.<br />
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I can keep going but you get the idea. It's funny, I find it easier to tell the world that I weigh an embarrassing amount than to tell the world I am depressed. This is hard. I want to delete this post. I might but I haven't made up my mind yet. What will everyone think? Will I lose friends? Will it affect my career? I try so hard to appear 'normal' when I am so far from it. <br />
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What started this line of thinking is an event that happened Monday night. Someone close to me tried to take their own life. This someone (not sharing their name because I want to respect their privacy), decided that they had nothing left worth living for, Their depression became so intense that they were blinded to all of the opportunity that is before them and they couldn't see how many people love them so very much. This person is currently hospitalized and is working through their demons. If you would have asked me a week ago if I thought this person would ever try to take their own life I would have answered "never". They have always been there for all of us, always been so strong. The thought of them giving up on life is devastating. I got to see them last night, and they are working on getting through this and finding a good way to deal with their depression. When I saw them I cried, I cried hard, I cannot imagine this world with out them.<br />
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So here is what I plan to do. I plan to take one day at a time. I will not let the ghosts of the past or the uncertainty of the future overwhelm me. I will move into our home and I will do my best to get healthy. But I will not fixate on failing. I will celebrate successes and I will make it through this. Just like the person mentioned above will make it through the war they are fighting with depression. I too will be victorious. Because I cannot fail. I cannot let my son down, I cannot leave my husband on his own, I love my family too much to let them feel that kind of loss.<br />
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Also, I care enough about myself to try.<br />
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Thank you for continuing to visit my blog. And please don't worry about me. That is not why I am sharing this, I think mostly I want others to know that they are not alone in depression. There are so many people who struggle with it daily. And before you ask, yes, I am getting help. I've been in and out of therapy since I was eight years old. I have been taught multiple coping exercises and I know how to handle the anxiety that comes with all of this. I will be OK.<br />
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If you have not seen the above video it is "Elastic Heart" by Sia. It's a beautiful expression of what the struggle is like to deal with childhood trauma. <br />
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If you have read this and you find yourself struggling with the same feelings, please, PLEASE get help. There are so many options out there to assist you as you work though that dark cloud that hangs over your head. The most important thing I can tell you is this, everything will be OK, you just have to hang on.<br />
<br />Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-64452327064524991882014-11-20T05:59:00.002-08:002014-11-20T05:59:58.952-08:00My 33rd Year<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Hey Everyone,</div>
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From Feb 10th 2013 to Feb 10th 2014 I attempted to record one second of every day. I missed a few and experienced a few technical setbacks, but overall I am happy with what I got. Please enjoy this video, it was one crazy year that's for sure. And if you would like to make your own you can download the app <a href="http://1secondeveryday.com/" target="_blank">HERE</a>. </div>
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<br />Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-13119750635206991572014-11-02T08:47:00.001-08:002014-11-02T08:49:13.293-08:00I Wish<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMbG1Z6mgSqEHh0mFQW8ruwaWznyKNHfbcxvB4zdkYCHjrjoo6M-CG3mIbkZcW6MJojbk-BjIos5z1bDlHJnV51jZGf7pYjT4ogC_GWrxnsq5hkSyfsvXPSA00NnmlvzejdtxcMVS4TErE/s1600/Megan+rogers+beautiful+lady.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMbG1Z6mgSqEHh0mFQW8ruwaWznyKNHfbcxvB4zdkYCHjrjoo6M-CG3mIbkZcW6MJojbk-BjIos5z1bDlHJnV51jZGf7pYjT4ogC_GWrxnsq5hkSyfsvXPSA00NnmlvzejdtxcMVS4TErE/s1600/Megan+rogers+beautiful+lady.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Megan has got it all! <br />
Polka-dots, heels, washing machines, nerdy glasses... va-va-va-voom!</td></tr>
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Body image is something that most people struggle with. I suppose ‘the grass is always greener’ is
something that applies to people as well as front yards. In the last year one of the local rock stars
I follow online, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/meganjrogers?fref=ts" target="_blank">Meagan James Rogers</a>, has helped me see that no matter how
uncomfortable you are with your body, there is probably someone out there that
wishes they look like you. You see,
Megan is downright gorgeous. Yet, she
started posting very publicly this year about how she is very uncomfortable
with her body image and how she is trying to put herself out there more. This was shocking to me because every time I
saw a picture of Megan the thought would go through my head “I wish I looked
like that”. How could someone that is so
beautiful and talented, (she is an amazing photographer, check out <span style="background: white; color: #141823; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/MeganRogersPhotographie?pnref=lhc" target="_blank">Megan Rogers Photographie</a></span>),
how could someone who has so much, ever find themselves lacking. But there it was, plain as day in text right
in front of me. It makes me think of my
own body image. Which if I was to rate
my appearance on a scale of one to ten it would be at about a negative
six. My weight is a major part of that,
but add in my crooked teeth, crazy hair, big hands and feet, etc., I feel more
like a disheveled Hobbit. Yet I look
back on photos of myself in my early twenties and I am surprised to see that I
was actually kind of beautiful. And at
that time I not only felt terrible about how I looked I also had help with the
disdain from another party. I have
always been ashamed of my appearance and there have usually been others ready
to agree with me on that point. I was
taunted in elementary school as being “Fat Martha” or “Big Bertha” and so
on. Kids can be so cruel. I had a father who would tell me to go
outside and “Run the fat off”, in his own way I know he was trying to help but
it was hurtful. You get my point. I believed the public opinion of my hideousness,
and I saw it too. I am not tall, thin,
blue-eyed, etc. I’m not a mysterious beauty;
I am not any of those portraits of feminine loveliness that you see splashed
across your TV screen. I am just frumpy,
chubby, messy me. I often find myself
thinking “I wish I looked like that” when I see people walking down the
street. It’s something I’ve noticed I do
and have been working hard to break that habit.
Instead of thinking “I wish” I am starting to say “I will”. I will get back into shape, I will regain my
strength, I will feel better about myself, I will find value in who I am, I
will learn to like me. It’s not easy,
and I do not expect to be someone I am not.
I just expect to find the Martha I have been hiding all along. </div>
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And now, my theme song......</div>
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Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-49388408318259484642014-09-29T20:59:00.002-07:002014-09-29T20:59:35.256-07:00FreedomAnd just like that, it is over.<br />
<br />
Started in 2008 to get an associates
degree then kept pushing through to get a bachelors and now a masters.
Here's to six years of no summer breaks, studying on weekends, and
having to turn down very fun sounding invitations. It was totally worth
it, but now it's time to get out there and enjoy life again!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-AWO02HVHD_stoDUX5DUsJN5WjeJI3rLbTVnoBcXkViOJDiNtO56W2nMYl8acg6ctMKQu1A0u0WhrXCsKN-I_AMh-VD3H-Np6yoMkiJASWi6VL6RUtLm0j5BPrVRD8-WKnOkTLRi5EoGm/s1600/University+of+Phoenix+finished+mba.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-AWO02HVHD_stoDUX5DUsJN5WjeJI3rLbTVnoBcXkViOJDiNtO56W2nMYl8acg6ctMKQu1A0u0WhrXCsKN-I_AMh-VD3H-Np6yoMkiJASWi6VL6RUtLm0j5BPrVRD8-WKnOkTLRi5EoGm/s1600/University+of+Phoenix+finished+mba.png" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-48692483366219441792014-09-12T06:44:00.001-07:002014-09-12T06:44:38.321-07:00The Struggle Is Real<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
This cartoon best illustrates my life at the moment.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJQlRmrLOM0mgcSjZPo4mbfI-yWD-ziE5G6tNlXDfetntKBNhYd8p-YbLjx961CK-iMRYPeYNX53Z7Fd83Zg58YzobEgYBP64WJoNTafYwEUL6TbRJP0Hd5PG_lor6MbuMmsvWphedZSX1/s1600/lDGnXA5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJQlRmrLOM0mgcSjZPo4mbfI-yWD-ziE5G6tNlXDfetntKBNhYd8p-YbLjx961CK-iMRYPeYNX53Z7Fd83Zg58YzobEgYBP64WJoNTafYwEUL6TbRJP0Hd5PG_lor6MbuMmsvWphedZSX1/s1600/lDGnXA5.jpg" height="640" width="428" /></a></div>
<br />Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-70930835480996967082014-08-24T13:28:00.001-07:002014-08-24T13:37:36.587-07:00Bye Bye Beardy <div class="MsoNormal">
The first time I can remember someone pointing it out I
think I was around 12 years old and at the swimming</div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheoYuKGND9HGEB4NQd-w9qHYC4m7nB2x1Adj1zmRw5APpmBNhz0_nkCChhUywCZ2VY50hVHgc5vI0Xn-dSJIGmU8j0PvG4lOwQwVpU0bUe2MmdoT3vYeh16Wpcy2vsEs3ykUEBpX5nDy0Q/s1600/martha+is+a+fat+girl+beard+bearded+lady.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheoYuKGND9HGEB4NQd-w9qHYC4m7nB2x1Adj1zmRw5APpmBNhz0_nkCChhUywCZ2VY50hVHgc5vI0Xn-dSJIGmU8j0PvG4lOwQwVpU0bUe2MmdoT3vYeh16Wpcy2vsEs3ykUEBpX5nDy0Q/s1600/martha+is+a+fat+girl+beard+bearded+lady.png" height="400" width="312" /></a> pool in Gage Park. I had just gotten out of the pool and got in
line for the diving board. Two boys were
in line in front of me doing what most boys do.
They were rough housing, laughing and looking at the girls. One of them turned to me and exclaimed “She
has a mustache!” The other boy quickly
joined in and before long I scurried away to avoid the embarrassment. I looked in the mirror when I got home and I
couldn’t really see what all the fuss was about. Sure I had a few fine hairs on my upper lip
but not a full grown mustache. Over the
next year or so I would hear it from time to time from kids; it was becoming
clear that I certainly had a facial hair problem. I went to my mother to see if she knew what I
should do, in talking to her about it I noticed what I always thought were
large pores on her face were actually whiskers.
So relieved I said “Oh! You have it too!” she in turn started to cry and
cover her face and sob “Don’t look at meeeee”.
From that moment on I was very aware that women with facial hair should
be ashamed. First I started using Nair,
which worked for a while but left my face bright red where it had been so the
next day I walked around with a rash mustache on my face. Then I started shaving it every now and again
and I thought I had it under control. It
wasn’t until I was 21 years old when I noticed in a picture of me, there was a shadow
under my chin. I immediately went to a
mirror and sure enough without me noticing, a wispy beard had started to
grow. I smeared Nair on it but the hairs
were too strong. I shaved it, but the
beard just grew back darker. So I did
the unthinkable, I started tweezing the hairs.
This painful ritual became a part of my everyday life. Just about every evening I would sit in front
of the mirror and pluck out the thick black hairs growing in through my chin
and neck. This habit resulted in red
sores and marks on my skin. So to cover
up those marks and any new growth during the day, I would cake on makeup under
my chin in hopes of hiding my secret from the world. I thought this was how things would go for
the rest of my life. Luckily that was
not true.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I heard about electrolysis once on the radio and thought
that it was simply too good to be true.
There is no </div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx4i9X77fwwTxJKGNc4HhMP97x6xU5b05tmIub_b-g1QUr7tVZpGmBZZJNNgSyBUuiUwUhA4dBXJBB-Bf4mBTxDp0i76oy8_hNkXDixXhe6uEtp16q5sw1bUgkTbkRWTAsae5nIyVMOr5k/s1600/Follicle.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx4i9X77fwwTxJKGNc4HhMP97x6xU5b05tmIub_b-g1QUr7tVZpGmBZZJNNgSyBUuiUwUhA4dBXJBB-Bf4mBTxDp0i76oy8_hNkXDixXhe6uEtp16q5sw1bUgkTbkRWTAsae5nIyVMOr5k/s1600/Follicle.gif" height="320" width="280" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gurl let me probe dat follicle</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
way that you could have permanent hair removal done. Then I would catch a show about someone
going through the transgender surgery process and getting the procedure done. It always looked very painful and I suspected
very expensive. So I never once
considered making a call and to find out more about it. Since I have known Wunder Hubs, he has
encouraged me to look into electrolysis.
Not because he is bothered by the hair, he could really care less, but
because how uncomfortable he knows it makes me feel. Finally a month ago I decided to give it a
try. I called Laurie Guilbault at
<a href="http://topekaelectrolysis.com/" target="_blank">Electrolysis Clinic of Topeka</a> and scheduled a free consultation. To say I was nervous to go to the appointment
would be an understatement. But I walked
in the door and did it anyways because it is time to be rid of this problem. I sat down with Laurie and she explained how
electrolysis works. Laurie’s soft spoken
manner and willingness to answer my questions quickly put me at ease. And to show me how it works she zapped a
small patch of hair on my chin. We
talked about pricing and I was floored. I
wasn’t floored because of how expensive it was, no I was floored by how
affordable the prices are! We scheduled
an appointment for my first session and I went on my way. A week and a half later I went in for my
first session. Sure the procedure burns
a little bit, but no more painful than the daily tweezing had been. And I know as soon as she’s done, that hair
is not very likely to grow back. I will
continue to visit Laurie periodically for the next year until she and I agree
that there are no more hairs growing in that area any more. I can tell you with complete confidence that I feel so much better about how I look after just two sessions. I know it's silly but it is nice to know that I will not have to mess with these hairs for the rest of my life.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
During the first consultation Laurie told me something I had
not heard before, my problem is a very common one, especially for women with
PCOS. This was the best news ever and honestly
why I am sharing this very personal and rather embarrassing information with
you. If you are hiding facial hair and
always worried someone will notice, please do yourself a favor and call Laurie
at Electrolysis Clinic of Topeka (785) 357-7292. I took a picture of her prices on my last
visit to share with all of you so you can see just how affordable it really is.
</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc6StUa0ggRkJzlJsNR00enh-23BGmjuqnHb2j9NtWYpNsyNiY2Op919M-vUKX0fDOW2K0VWca1oCL_e0Yix3CvR_MNUqxCb1ofeGvO3GMyKge52UkpgjrEcIQ3HK6UcyZZ7VGzyXYqD0n/s1600/IMG_5618.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc6StUa0ggRkJzlJsNR00enh-23BGmjuqnHb2j9NtWYpNsyNiY2Op919M-vUKX0fDOW2K0VWca1oCL_e0Yix3CvR_MNUqxCb1ofeGvO3GMyKge52UkpgjrEcIQ3HK6UcyZZ7VGzyXYqD0n/s1600/IMG_5618.JPG" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-57230733391979983022014-08-03T21:23:00.002-07:002014-08-03T21:23:56.425-07:00Six Steps to the Birth of Bertha<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I
feel terrible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I mean it, I feel just terrible.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It has taken
me several days to get to the point that I can admit this publicly. It’s not going to be easy but here it
goes. I went to the doctor last week and
they weighed me like always. And the
weight on the scale was the highest I have ever seen. I am standing on the edge of a
milestone that I do not want to cross. I
weighed 292 pounds and for the first time in my life I can actually see 300
pounds happening. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM3bdpdNt7P0AF81Ya36uFz5vTXEucj7koBB9caG-oeJLLiecK5mY0JZIbRqV3GExRK9Q-uif3vNzXg5JNkQjvmTTgHSnYdO1KeFP40fUSJwaZGjz-2z1WpS4QJaY_-rU4wonc3LMBW1r0/s1600/bertha.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM3bdpdNt7P0AF81Ya36uFz5vTXEucj7koBB9caG-oeJLLiecK5mY0JZIbRqV3GExRK9Q-uif3vNzXg5JNkQjvmTTgHSnYdO1KeFP40fUSJwaZGjz-2z1WpS4QJaY_-rU4wonc3LMBW1r0/s1600/bertha.jpg" height="273" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.kensampson.net/" target="_blank">'Bertha Venus' by Ken Sampson</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">How could this
happen? Well there are a six different
reasons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">I had a hysterectomy. From what I read about hysterectomies, weight gain is a pretty common occurrence
afterwards.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">I am taking a Lexapro. Lexapro helps me deal with anxiety which is something
I live with due to my fun PTSD issues.
Long story, no I’m not crazy, just have some pretty intense
baggage. Anyway, I went many years without
the help of Lexapro but recently I have taken on a lot of high pressure
responsibilities and I found myself getting overly stressed. The meds help me to not get so worked up and
to focus. But it also brings weight
gain. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Home stretch for school. I am almost done. Only eight more weeks of school and I am
officially done with my MBA. I cannot
put into words how great that feels. But
it also brings a lot of extra time and work.
It is so much easier to say I don’t have time to exercise because I have
homework to do.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Focusing on comfort food. It is easy to say I don’t have time to eat
right either. But if I organize and plan
ahead, eating healthy would not be a problem.
But I like to treat myself; I say “Hey Martie, you’ve been working for
three days in a row from sun up to sun down with no Minecraft time. You deserve a treat.” And it will not matter if I had a treat the
day before or an hour before. I can
easily justify the junk food.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Haven’t hit my deadline yet. I have set this deadline for myself. And that deadline is for when we move into
our house. Of course, the process of
buying a house takes forever, especially when you are going through the <a href="http://www.hcci-ks.org/counseling?id=38" target="_blank">TopekaOpportunity To Own </a>program. And there is
a 60 day close, and I know we will need to paint before we can move in. And of course we can’t start dieting that day;
it will be so much easier to order a pizza while we are unpacking. Yadda yadda
yadda.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">I really REALLY enjoy food. <a href="http://fatmartha.blogspot.com/2012/10/food-addict.html" target="_blank">It is an addiction</a>. I can see that clear as day. And until I get that under control nothing is
going to change. </span></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So what do I
do? Will I get up tomorrow and just
start making the right decisions? I hope
so.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My goal
weight is 175 pounds, that is what I weighed in high school and that was a very
comfortable weight for me. So if you
think about it I am carrying nearly 125 pounds of extra weight on my body. That my dear bloggy friends is a whole additional
person. No wonder my back is killing me,
no wonder my knees scream out in agony when I look at stairs, no wonder <a href="http://fatmartha.blogspot.com/2014/07/let-me-sing-you-song-of-my-people.html" target="_blank">I snore like a wilder beast</a>. There is another
human in my body and they are crushing me!
So if they are going to occupy my body I should at least name them. So I am naming that person Bertha and she
will no longer be welcome in my body. I
am ready to say “Bertha don't you come around here anymore!” It’s
going to be a hard road but it is time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/RaYfA7tfT1g?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><br /></span></div>
Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-45115045439232419382014-07-31T14:09:00.000-07:002014-07-31T14:09:27.736-07:00The Angles (For Science)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Behold, my favorite camera angle. Why you ask? Let's take the camera down a bit......</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7heCf2BhTCtX58_wVIAyrxeSJsrV4dOg0y5BdS_5HAMy_d2L8LG49cojC7Ih8dIiIVMQTh3KxEsZd0ZNqGjUjKlknoKHT4gk24Rph1BdT2uOYOea1mvS6LJvwFa_hxfwtx3_WmEcSdODt/s1600/IMG_5159.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7heCf2BhTCtX58_wVIAyrxeSJsrV4dOg0y5BdS_5HAMy_d2L8LG49cojC7Ih8dIiIVMQTh3KxEsZd0ZNqGjUjKlknoKHT4gk24Rph1BdT2uOYOea1mvS6LJvwFa_hxfwtx3_WmEcSdODt/s1600/IMG_5159.JPG" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU3cc8cEZXLBKNnJzyhVQcpxEbhXUL40hhjgmb_-v7_uGOoM4mJa7V6Gr_EQ5c8auYqoe4jiUmO77-BwL0LdcfAfb0u9bgHnjRV2WxvDaiFXSI5PsxKZXDt7-5RQIOEDsk6HBmiTzzLxay/s1600/IMG_5160.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU3cc8cEZXLBKNnJzyhVQcpxEbhXUL40hhjgmb_-v7_uGOoM4mJa7V6Gr_EQ5c8auYqoe4jiUmO77-BwL0LdcfAfb0u9bgHnjRV2WxvDaiFXSI5PsxKZXDt7-5RQIOEDsk6HBmiTzzLxay/s1600/IMG_5160.JPG" height="400" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Aaaaaand this is how I look when someone else gets a picture of me.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-48419810693666624302014-07-15T05:18:00.000-07:002014-07-15T05:18:47.810-07:00Let me sing you the song of my people<div class="MsoNormal">
I hate mornings</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDajLjIxspLK7TV3qZ7XbRLLQoeSFzHTkS6BR7TCHDPIc9z6vVlPexiZS6XtVeEMkeXVubpoLhzk15q21KGHRkj0bv8dJvGSV-U_daeQcZjwoBj30vnwGmSghdr0EG3GHt0HjVSZobvbh1/s1600/ga980413.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDajLjIxspLK7TV3qZ7XbRLLQoeSFzHTkS6BR7TCHDPIc9z6vVlPexiZS6XtVeEMkeXVubpoLhzk15q21KGHRkj0bv8dJvGSV-U_daeQcZjwoBj30vnwGmSghdr0EG3GHt0HjVSZobvbh1/s1600/ga980413.gif" height="94" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Much like Garfield the cat, I would prefer to stay up late
and sleep in till noon if the opportunity presented itself. But here I am, its 5:30am and I’m wide
awake. Did I change my sleeping pattern?
No.
Unfortunately the reason I am up so early is because I had a terrible
night. I was waking up all night long
and this morning I just feel kind of awful.
And the reason for all of this is horribly embarrassing, I snore like a wildebeest. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdcBQdTaRg2BgJSard2ro-U4N49KeTIXATgP8GeEJHD5eVfzggPGLgCa6XgQCnsQu6mtG0AcZmIiNC-Z-ITUVHpoKCBnPnK9FY79UULC7aI2EQd2cZnckC7pw_I16zdKsU1h4ujK7QsOBS/s1600/Snore+like+a+WILDEBEEST.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdcBQdTaRg2BgJSard2ro-U4N49KeTIXATgP8GeEJHD5eVfzggPGLgCa6XgQCnsQu6mtG0AcZmIiNC-Z-ITUVHpoKCBnPnK9FY79UULC7aI2EQd2cZnckC7pw_I16zdKsU1h4ujK7QsOBS/s1600/Snore+like+a+WILDEBEEST.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I haven’t always snored like this. Sure if I was extremely tired I would
possibly snore, but normally snoring is not an issue for me. But within the last year it is becoming a
real problem. Poor Wunder Hubs has to
sleep with ear buds in just so he can get some rest. And it doesn't matter if I am sitting up or lying
down, the snores they come in full force.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This happens when I get too heavy. I’m guessing it is just one of the many signs
that my body just can’t take all of this weight. And no, I have not been good lately. You can pretty much tell by the frequency of
posts how I am doing. If I am posting, I’m
trying to improve my health. If I’m not
posting, I've likely ordered at the drive thru and am in a burger coma. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRkdxepalSxKDAFPQJPrYDfVWY51em3iUbiPPbNIUw7qIMwc90QjZ8sLpbu72mx3_4uyQjE8OONWBTg_15x_KkxI5B8yjMYKnoR03esO0DPkklBYYCpmSu-0_Q28dLxATK2tonWEhvvtp2/s1600/burger+coma.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRkdxepalSxKDAFPQJPrYDfVWY51em3iUbiPPbNIUw7qIMwc90QjZ8sLpbu72mx3_4uyQjE8OONWBTg_15x_KkxI5B8yjMYKnoR03esO0DPkklBYYCpmSu-0_Q28dLxATK2tonWEhvvtp2/s1600/burger+coma.jpg" height="320" width="279" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I found this lovely illustration <a href="http://radrobot.livejournal.com/45237.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
As always, I say to myself “I will start dieting <u> </u>“ This
usually is some magical date that will bring an event that is so glorious that
I will no longer be addicted to food. Typically it is a holiday. This time it is moving. You see we are in the process of buying our
first house (YIPPEE!!!) and we have decided we will improve our lifestyle
dramatically when we move in. The plan
is to eat at home or pack food for every meal, work out at least 30 minutes a
day, and never be addicted to food again.
In many ways this change is not an option, we will need to watch our
budget, we are putting the work out equipment in the living room, and we both
need to get lighter for our health.
Will this work? I have no idea,
but man I really hope it will. I suppose
real change would not be connected to some special event or time but instead
would just start to happen. Or maybe it
has already happened. While I continue
to fail I also continue to try again. So
maybe the frequencies of these two will start to switch and I will be more successful
and less of a failure. All I k now for
sure is that there is a beautiful sunrise out the window, I am enjoying some
apple cinnamon oatmeal with black coffee, and in an hour we will go walk
through our new home with an inspector getting one step closer to moving
in. So I am going to focus on the good
things and be thankful that we are all still here. </div>
Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-46200974324309017552014-06-22T22:20:00.001-07:002014-06-22T22:20:29.008-07:00And Just Like That, It's Gone.Two weeks.<br />
<br />
I made it two weeks. Lost 12 pounds. It was awesome, I was proud of my self. I was doing it.<br />
<br />
And then this<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7SP2blByiRUHcjgKf3LUEbBtpmHwFiZns6uD97sNAWVz1iQ0GDK_KKQIqtx7C3AxnPy9xeUg-dhxoPfo9S1UADJiS7WziZyC9wLnayqVEmUj3bzExU6vFsaa_X6A1Tjok54UiVVTFckop/s1600/a.aaa-Diet-Fail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7SP2blByiRUHcjgKf3LUEbBtpmHwFiZns6uD97sNAWVz1iQ0GDK_KKQIqtx7C3AxnPy9xeUg-dhxoPfo9S1UADJiS7WziZyC9wLnayqVEmUj3bzExU6vFsaa_X6A1Tjok54UiVVTFckop/s1600/a.aaa-Diet-Fail.jpg" height="269" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Why? The easiest answer is that I lost control. I had missed breakfast one morning because of a change in my schedule. Ended up eating my oatmeal for lunch, by the time dinner came around I was so hungry I couldn't stand it. The Wunder Hubs and I decided to go out to eat and treat ourselves. We ordered food, instead of a salad or grilled chicken and veggies, I went for the chicken tenders. And what the hey, we ordered fried pickles too. It was glorious, I ate until I couldn't stand it any more. I was so disappointed in myself, then the next day came. I had lost my drive, I did OK, but not great. I stopped tracking my progress in <a href="http://fatmartha.blogspot.com/2012/01/my-favorite-iphone-apps.html" target="_blank">MyFitnessPal </a>and stopped trying. Thankfully Wunder Hubs has maintained and is keeping up his progress, I am very proud of him. <br />
<br />
I find I tell myself that "Once we get the house, we will have the treadmill and a tighter budget. That will help me stay on track" Yeah right Martie, that will work. Who knows, that might just be the change I need to get set on the right path again. I hope so.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPJefqi9zgHo0aO4cAHZj2szyNIJ4fbtWaRQb9Kc7HQA1kN9LA3rCl-mzY-WcPZ5z0s7FR7n9PVrj2T5sjNAxvbNu9xONvePfEoY5kaMCMW5hsRSkh2dI_Llq69EbPyEqXob1QtimnK5fu/s1600/diet-fail-470-wplok.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPJefqi9zgHo0aO4cAHZj2szyNIJ4fbtWaRQb9Kc7HQA1kN9LA3rCl-mzY-WcPZ5z0s7FR7n9PVrj2T5sjNAxvbNu9xONvePfEoY5kaMCMW5hsRSkh2dI_Llq69EbPyEqXob1QtimnK5fu/s1600/diet-fail-470-wplok.jpg" height="211" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-91887038115271464502014-05-27T14:41:00.001-07:002014-05-27T14:41:48.351-07:00A Touch of Grey<div class="MsoNormal">
So last weekend we stayed in Kansas City, <a href="http://fatmartha.blogspot.com/2014/05/vacation-rules.html" target="_blank">or just outside ofit</a>, and had a lovely time. But there is
one thing that happened that I have not been able to get out of my head. It was a horrible reality check, a shock to
the senses; it was a big, blinking sign in my face that flashed “YOU’RE GETTING
OLD”. Here’s what happened…..<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We were very lucky to get a room, it was Memorial Day
weekend and every place Wunder Hubs called was completely booked. We were just about to give up when he got a
room at the <a href="http://www.super8.com/hotels/kansas/bonner-springs/super-8-bonner-springs/hotel-overview?hotel_id=30507&cid=whg_s8_gglmob_br&wid=ps:br_whg_mob&002=2191774&004=6291118970&005=6395101832&006=22193522930&007=Search&008=&025=c&026=&gclid=CL7Zy-GDzb4CFcpQ7AodVXcANA" target="_blank">Super 8 in Bonner Springs</a>.
They had just gotten a cancellation and gave us the room. We were very pleased, the trip was back
on. We packed our bags for an overnight
stay and headed out. We decided to check
in before we headed to <a href="http://www.gopizzawest.com/" target="_blank">Pizza West</a> for dinner.
We unloaded the Kia, walked to the elevator and waited for what seemed
an eternity for it to arrive. We waited,
and waited, and waited, and waited, we were to the point of going to the front
desk to see if there is a problem with their elevator. But just as we started to walk away we heard
the “BEEP” signaling the elevators arrival.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI0S66xsEiFaxkt4_5TdOKwq8qBVxoOuxRrMfRXUKpZ9by81i_c2xHOBGtilY4hIa4cwfxhAgEK0uGh0GGzELINiVkO1gpVP9WCGTmBPo9Icf4LrIJecLXEHQrsdAEPXQU2E4C3zJpA9Ec/s1600/tumblr_miaxfm6wdp1qfe8teo1_500.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI0S66xsEiFaxkt4_5TdOKwq8qBVxoOuxRrMfRXUKpZ9by81i_c2xHOBGtilY4hIa4cwfxhAgEK0uGh0GGzELINiVkO1gpVP9WCGTmBPo9Icf4LrIJecLXEHQrsdAEPXQU2E4C3zJpA9Ec/s1600/tumblr_miaxfm6wdp1qfe8teo1_500.png" height="280" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is pretty much exactly what they had on</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We turned and froze.
It was the Kiddo’s face I noticed first.
His eyes bulged, he blushed and looked at me then back at the elevator,
then all around not sure where to look. Out
of the elevator came a shirtless man in leather pants, a bow tie and a fur
scarf. He was trailed by two girls in
neon bikinis. We all paused and looked
at each other, then continued on our way.
But in that moment, the moment in which we all stopped and took in the presence
of one another, the harsh realization hit me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think what triggered the realization was not the clothing
of the elevator skin tribe (or lack thereof).
But it was the way they looked at me.
I was able to see myself from their point of view. And their point of view took my mental image
of myself which looks something like this…..<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS0vkn1oz3Yo894hfulezfpxiWtyXmRzfczE1h9KOpAnGobz1k6zKWi5tDspLfAAjPhXjpURJIzjmSpFK5hA2XO3AUGOl5eswqXSlWcwXlCSiuahmFrRzqFOwnTqJaCRQlAeeCfXKOwXBP/s1600/Martha+Rison+Martie+Rison+Breedlove+2006+topeka+kansas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS0vkn1oz3Yo894hfulezfpxiWtyXmRzfczE1h9KOpAnGobz1k6zKWi5tDspLfAAjPhXjpURJIzjmSpFK5hA2XO3AUGOl5eswqXSlWcwXlCSiuahmFrRzqFOwnTqJaCRQlAeeCfXKOwXBP/s1600/Martha+Rison+Martie+Rison+Breedlove+2006+topeka+kansas.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Behold the thinnest I have ever been in my adult life! This is 2006 Martie and how I often find my perception of myself mentally to look. (if that makes any sense at all.)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And turned it into something like this…..<o:p></o:p></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh83AicUfEfUoQhPaHfmvEhyphenhyphengqlyEP3HAkciRSaYTv4jtUORh2ILOH-IsqyvZSIbxfT1r6T949bXLsnBKmWamGrkfxVQWKFbgLykKTww5Dx5lLwkPZgSWzR4rNn_0ISz8Ik05-MTh9tL9-1/s1600/jewish-mother.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh83AicUfEfUoQhPaHfmvEhyphenhyphengqlyEP3HAkciRSaYTv4jtUORh2ILOH-IsqyvZSIbxfT1r6T949bXLsnBKmWamGrkfxVQWKFbgLykKTww5Dx5lLwkPZgSWzR4rNn_0ISz8Ik05-MTh9tL9-1/s1600/jewish-mother.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hello children! May I bake you a pie?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As we boarded the elevator, Wunder Hubs chuckled and said “Oh
to be 20 again”. I gave a snort of a laugh in agreeance. But my mind wondered, I was never that
young. Nope, not ever. I went from child to housewife (you see my first marriage started when I was 17). I cannot relate to these people in
any way. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And that felt strange.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Later we learned that the hotel was booked because of a
<a href="http://alientalk.skrillex.com/" target="_blank">Skrillex</a> concert. Thus the wildly funky
cast of characters we continued to encounter at the Super 8. Maybe he wouldn't see me as so old and lame if we met.....<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_pl0bSAuJWNbbGHxMdVhoqluI_rX2erS6348GgR74S-bTZNs3O1MZOtnHDD3UFq3cXwMzEIrteOzlbcWVH6dnhhVUmTwGaFxYtKy-9OtIE14v3_6Gw9Wja6n_y5rHRWex-XxxQpj7NfwK/s1600/Skrillex+bonner+springs+2014+super+8+hotel+kansas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_pl0bSAuJWNbbGHxMdVhoqluI_rX2erS6348GgR74S-bTZNs3O1MZOtnHDD3UFq3cXwMzEIrteOzlbcWVH6dnhhVUmTwGaFxYtKy-9OtIE14v3_6Gw9Wja6n_y5rHRWex-XxxQpj7NfwK/s1600/Skrillex+bonner+springs+2014+super+8+hotel+kansas.jpg" height="193" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Hey Baby, I think your career development plan is HAWT! Tell me more about your phat 401(k)" <br />UN-CHEE UN-CHEE UN-CHEE UN-CHEE BWOOOMNG</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;"> </span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
So am I upset about being old? No, not really. Sure it would be great to be as fat as I
thought I was in my 20’s. And sure it
would be nice to not have the aches and pains that I have now in my
joints. But I love my life, I love my
Wunder Hubs and my Kiddo. Life is more
manageable now that I am nearing my *gasp* mid 30’s. So I am not hep and trendy as the kids, that’s
OK, I've got <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql-N3F1FhW4" target="_blank">swagger</a>. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFG-XN6u3rxQnK-Ud-iN5be5mEQP_v3OEHtGzF-NIg8pFq1v5gUv7z9EslWff2-pOkrvWPqITltaxYUlZJAvqLRI08X8B12i7DeWnF45vpS3iDxKsQ3KYeIG52EvWAac71-bRTEt_yyIFl/s1600/swagwag.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFG-XN6u3rxQnK-Ud-iN5be5mEQP_v3OEHtGzF-NIg8pFq1v5gUv7z9EslWff2-pOkrvWPqITltaxYUlZJAvqLRI08X8B12i7DeWnF45vpS3iDxKsQ3KYeIG52EvWAac71-bRTEt_yyIFl/s1600/swagwag.gif" height="227" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
OK, maybe not, but
I am comfortable with my place in this world and that has to count for
something. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCYbRmSlW-M" target="_blank">I will get by</a>......<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-71371908018162086712014-05-24T21:49:00.000-07:002014-05-24T21:49:23.875-07:00Vacation Rules<div class="MsoNormal">
Tonight I am writing you from Kansas City, well, just
outside of it in Bonner Springs. We are
enjoying a mini-vacation this Memorial Day weekend. We started the journey at one of our favorite
places on Earth, </div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvlCl6Pi9rFbsSL0CnjLJrgTcBt1flOLgBPt1PFVFTJmfKxW7kKaLN211drKxEh5QpxHhnxIrCy33dEzGse6BF54OyfYPvfXaN1tMzZtcN3gF_FXkbLHa9MLX03_LK8U9iwZRnumETZHGO/s1600/DSC_0344-Custom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvlCl6Pi9rFbsSL0CnjLJrgTcBt1flOLgBPt1PFVFTJmfKxW7kKaLN211drKxEh5QpxHhnxIrCy33dEzGse6BF54OyfYPvfXaN1tMzZtcN3gF_FXkbLHa9MLX03_LK8U9iwZRnumETZHGO/s1600/DSC_0344-Custom.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Can we just move in please? We wouldn't be any trouble, we promise!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<a href="http://www.gopizzawest.com/" target="_blank">Pizza West.</a> What????
You have not been to Pizza West?
Crazy Talk! Let me tell you about
it. Simply put, Pizza West is the
bomb-diggity. They have SEVEN pinball
machines to play! That alone is enough
to get us to make a trip to Shawnee, Kansas.
But in addition to pinball goodness, they have quality pizza. It’s rather delish. Is it a family place? Sure!
Every table is covered with white paper which begs to be colored with
the complimentary crayons provided. Is
it a good place to go and watch sports?
You bet your sweet bippy! Little
televisions at each table invite you to tune in and watch the game while their
beer selection is ready to meet your needs.
The place is decorated in a fun and energetic fashion, with upside-down
lamps as lighting and a train that runs up above. We are such big fans of this place that Gavin had to buy a shirt from them. He wore it when he participated in Camp <a href="http://www.gizmopictures.com/" target="_blank">Gizmo</a> a few months back, they created a <a href="http://vimeo.com/85096528" target="_blank">Harlem Shake video</a> and we sent the owners of Pizza West the link. Now whenever we come into the place they yell "Hey Harlem Shake Kid!" and give him quarters to play pinball. As you can tell, I am a fan of this place, it’s pretty awesome.<br />
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Now normally when we go to Pizza West, we get a couple of
pizzas, cheesy garlic bread, and a big ol’ desert. We eat as much as we can possibly stand, take
the rest home, and probably have more of the left-overs for an evening
snack. I’m not proud of this, but it is what it
is. Add to that the fact that we are on
vacation (normally a free-for-all junk food spree and second dinner
extravaganza), the odds are that we are going to make this visit to Pizza West
one for the record books. Well it was,
but in a much different way. You see we
have been good this week, I mean REALLY good.
Brandon has dropped 14 pounds and has had to tighten his belt two
notches this week. I am a bit behind him
at 9 pounds but I am very happy with that.
Before we got to Pizza West tonight, Brandon looked up their menu and
planed out our order. Instead of
ordering two pizzas, we got one, and that one was a medium. We split the pizza up between the three of
us and we had salads from the salad bar before we ate the pizza. It was delicious, it was worth the wait (been
planning this trip for most of the week), and the best part, we weren't
miserable after we ate. We didn't stuff
ourselves so full that we were in pain.
Instead we got just enough and were able to go on with our evening. </div>
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Will we always have that kind of self control? Probably not.
But tonight we did and that was a major accomplishment. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5yOpWZeHmTOqOWL-hp92yW9JaxAD32GfrIEzLH9Gp65fQ_trWU4XXiYl3bTaK8zsbC73bn1V5hqIQyZvn1z9RvfrSkg6i_RDf9MqoWLEUXAHvAEzyYdz3S-YI0-JlbYmgsBP5HzH4Q-66/s1600/enjoy-your-success1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5yOpWZeHmTOqOWL-hp92yW9JaxAD32GfrIEzLH9Gp65fQ_trWU4XXiYl3bTaK8zsbC73bn1V5hqIQyZvn1z9RvfrSkg6i_RDf9MqoWLEUXAHvAEzyYdz3S-YI0-JlbYmgsBP5HzH4Q-66/s1600/enjoy-your-success1.jpg" height="256" width="320" /></a></div>
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Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-27267655534867749732014-05-21T09:51:00.000-07:002014-05-21T09:51:27.504-07:00Embracing the Hunger<div class="MsoNormal">
Here I am on day three of getting with it. Things feel different this time, I really
feel like it is going to happen. At
least, I can hold out for a while.
Usually I make all kinds of plans, make it one day, then the smallest
obstacle comes up and I am back to my old habits. Not this time. This time I am feeling pretty darn good. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today they are having birthday treats at the office. The third Wednesday of every month we bring
in birthday treats for the office. First
the email goes out, and then I see people walking by my office with donuts,
crackers, dip and more. This has been a
test for me today. The first day was easier;
I was excited about the change. I was
able to turn down ice cream and margaritas.
Yesterday was a bit harder; the evening snack time was more
tempting. Today I am struggling. I had oatmeal for breakfast; it was filling
until about 15 minutes ago. Now my tummy
is growling and I want to eat. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS0d01_SlDtT7LLw9ge5hZkrF4HNl-4aKILNz1391LyT8xlRkRe-GN5n56RRXbWcHOQBJpTg-mpEQ9SUKIeMRG5WtxcZq-fFWtJbvYpswExWBVZAFm9YCCYs4AI0MpOIU2pEC0BeFzmDyo/s1600/funny-fat-cat-photos-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS0d01_SlDtT7LLw9ge5hZkrF4HNl-4aKILNz1391LyT8xlRkRe-GN5n56RRXbWcHOQBJpTg-mpEQ9SUKIeMRG5WtxcZq-fFWtJbvYpswExWBVZAFm9YCCYs4AI0MpOIU2pEC0BeFzmDyo/s1600/funny-fat-cat-photos-3.jpg" height="210" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How I feel sitting next to the normal-sized folk</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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I’ve always loved the feeling of hunger, mostly because it
was a signal that I could eat some more.
Yes I love to eat. It is a
beautiful moment in my day where I get to indulge, I get to enjoy, and I am in
control. I can choose what I feed my
body, and I can choose what sounds the most pleasurable. And I can always convince myself that the
least nutritious choice is the best. I
think about ways I have “earned” this treat, either by referencing some
accomplishment, or by consoling myself after a disappointment. Yes the reason to indulge in a poor diet is
easy to find. The reason to be steadfast
and properly feed my body is never as attractive as melty cheese and crispy
crust. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ_qwkoqqJXB7euvlwwz3DOruNYncYJAF3BK7xamwXzJlfLO-bKPGef5lYvw8b1uDPQm4dAn6WSF22Cbe66L1LGxOd3M4lQtBeZ_A64rSJWUhYwNyOTye4OBqJrAE0buzDboCl_Ws7snJC/s1600/angel-devil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ_qwkoqqJXB7euvlwwz3DOruNYncYJAF3BK7xamwXzJlfLO-bKPGef5lYvw8b1uDPQm4dAn6WSF22Cbe66L1LGxOd3M4lQtBeZ_A64rSJWUhYwNyOTye4OBqJrAE0buzDboCl_Ws7snJC/s1600/angel-devil.jpg" height="231" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Edited to protect your delicate sensibilities.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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The last few days I have noticed the feeling of hunger more
as it is growing more deeply within me.
I know I need to have a few healthy snacks between meals to keep my metabolism
going, but I haven’t found my go-to snack just yet. But I will.
For now I am embracing the feeling of hunger. My stomach growls and I close my eyes, take a
deep breath and focus on the feeling. I
focus on the intensity of it. I think
about how this feeling is a helpful sign and not a green flag to binge. I do not allow myself to simply react to the
feeling by grabbing whatever is closest.
I stop and I think about what I have eaten and what I should eat, or if
I should eat. I focus on the beauty of
the hunger, and how selfish I have been all of these years. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This post is running long; I will expand on it next
time. Thanks for reading!<o:p></o:p></div>
Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-14104654714228856872014-05-18T06:26:00.000-07:002014-05-18T06:45:37.585-07:00More Than My Frame Can Take<div class="MsoNormal">
I weighed myself this morning, something that I rarely do
anymore. I weighed in at 280
pounds. Honestly I expected it to be
more, here’s why. Two years ago, when I
was blogging regularly and really working to lose weight, I could jog for an
hour at least. Now, a simple walk around
the grocery store is near agony. The muscles
in my legs cramp up, I get this massive ball of pain in my lower back, and I am
out of breath after a walk from one side of my apartment to the other. This is a complete and total failure. Because not only did I gain back the weight I
had lost, I added to that weight. I have
never been this heavy in my life, even when I was pregnant with the kiddo I
didn't weigh this much.</div>
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<br /></div>
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So it got me thinking, this is way more than my tiny
skeleton is meant to carry. My height is
five feet and </div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgLXkFah7f7_22-QG5T4-ezNnpwWlZswX8f17un1uou240upH1VZnqd7Af1jYy_N_kk-1oQ75H_cU3UwAhgG1-520dMqtvrhViq_uT8d7c4sGVPO0FY_xrf8sULuB7sYLo9Q4lG3wvdeuc/s1600/overloaded+frame+fat+losing+weight+martha+fat+girl+weight+loss+help+me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgLXkFah7f7_22-QG5T4-ezNnpwWlZswX8f17un1uou240upH1VZnqd7Af1jYy_N_kk-1oQ75H_cU3UwAhgG1-520dMqtvrhViq_uT8d7c4sGVPO0FY_xrf8sULuB7sYLo9Q4lG3wvdeuc/s1600/overloaded+frame+fat+losing+weight+martha+fat+girl+weight+loss+help+me.jpg" height="218" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is a good representation of how I feel all the time</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
nearly two inches (I’m claiming that second inch!). The kiddo, who will be turning 11 in a couple
of months, is nearly the same height as I am.
Other kids in his class are now taller than me. If you go by that scale that estimates ideal
weight for height, I should be 100-110 pounds.
So that means I am carrying an extra 180 pounds with me wherever I
go. That is a full grown adult. That my friends is insane. No wonder I am exhausted all the time, no
wonder none of my clothes fit right any more, no wonder my shoes are destroyed
on a regular basis. If I were Atlas it would
be impressive, but since I am just me, not so much.<br />
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Hubs is in the same boat, we are morbidly obese and we are
miserable. Together we have set the
date, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives. Yes I know we have done this before, but it
has to work this time. If not I worry we
will not be around much longer. Today we
are moving a treadmill to the book store.
We are hoping to buy a house this summer, once we do that the treadmill
will once again be where we live and that will be a big help. We have vowed that there will no longer be
fast food lunches, no more fatty/sugary snacks in the house, and we will be
drinking a lot more water. </div>
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Here we go, </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGU49vnR2s-XIqDZVkCLnbDgaAYNm47Uxcv7xGbOpXPhntwBNO6NoTY9YsGmnHJ64EC3OuRMRUl_Id-98s1_OQqsPUVF4GAU5qrSc5AsRmt3CqDmdICdswYHu_oItqs0KWfrmpI1jyF0cN/s1600/lets-do-this-rt1b0w.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGU49vnR2s-XIqDZVkCLnbDgaAYNm47Uxcv7xGbOpXPhntwBNO6NoTY9YsGmnHJ64EC3OuRMRUl_Id-98s1_OQqsPUVF4GAU5qrSc5AsRmt3CqDmdICdswYHu_oItqs0KWfrmpI1jyF0cN/s1600/lets-do-this-rt1b0w.jpg" height="181" width="320" /></a></div>
Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-34511803496364564282013-12-30T20:43:00.000-08:002013-12-30T20:45:44.803-08:00Hello from Chicago!<div class="MsoNormal">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ05eG6KQn7ZFp7MozYxM6DtNi9CQzj27YWH0GDAIw23IZLtKRWcF4x6h3zMWpxflSCdablLCdVrUSUK9Y64x9pLfyi2nOpvqlL4qiA91cswgv6QrWiH-2pOuWsL0VvHsnWfEoqWZU70PM/s1600/view+from+our+room.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ05eG6KQn7ZFp7MozYxM6DtNi9CQzj27YWH0GDAIw23IZLtKRWcF4x6h3zMWpxflSCdablLCdVrUSUK9Y64x9pLfyi2nOpvqlL4qiA91cswgv6QrWiH-2pOuWsL0VvHsnWfEoqWZU70PM/s320/view+from+our+room.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The view from our hotel the first night we arrived</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
As I am writing this I am sitting on the 20<sup>th</sup>
floor of the Hyatt Regency in Chicago, Illinois. The sun has just started to break through the
tall buildings and I can hear people stirring down the hall. But the sound that is most impressive is the constant
howl outside; this truly is the windy city.
The day after Christmas hubs and I jumped on a train and started this
adventure. It has been a lovely trip so
far. We visited Millennium Park and took
pictures of the Bean (this was the biggest thing on my list!). We went to the Chicago Art Institute and
viewed priceless artifacts and works of art.
We visited the Lincoln Park Zoo and saw some very interesting animals. We have ventured off of the beaten path, the
places where most tourists do not go, and hunted down some rare book shops. This has been a very nice get away for hubs
and I. The food has been amazing; every
meal seems to cost more than home but wow, above our expectations each time.</div>
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This
trip has required a lot of walking. Oh I’m
sorry, I don’t think I emphasized that enough, let me try again. A LOT OF WALKING. My short little stubby legs have been
scurrying along these streets as fast as they can. I am so horribly out of shape at the moment,
I think the last time I tried to go for a walk was back in August. But we have no car here and do not want
one. We are determined to not only enjoy
Chicago, but to also make this the starting point of a new lifestyle. I know I know I know, I've said this</div>
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before. Yeah, I do that a lot. Always have the best intentions of getting
out there and making a real change, but the next day comes and I lose the
drive. Well it can’t happen here, if we
want to see anything in this town we have to get out and get moving.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4yuz3kKg0xFzzmUkPM-QI6fNQ90JPdQK7m76VPNuzuGyWnHnBbufZlFQpE4na6UMHvv71t0dycPxKx_aGQxGiS4WHUwAZaponkOOeHn75gLrVame3AwLL-bceStrEAzgsfKAB5t6xrlXb/s1600/the+bean+in+millenium+park.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="172" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4yuz3kKg0xFzzmUkPM-QI6fNQ90JPdQK7m76VPNuzuGyWnHnBbufZlFQpE4na6UMHvv71t0dycPxKx_aGQxGiS4WHUwAZaponkOOeHn75gLrVame3AwLL-bceStrEAzgsfKAB5t6xrlXb/s400/the+bean+in+millenium+park.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
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We both
agree that when we get home we will continue to push each other to get into
better shape and eat better. Not because
of vanity, but because we want a long and healthy life together. The hubs’s heart condition is a very serious
one, and we have gotten off track. We
NEED to fix this. And while nowhere near
as serious as hubs, my joints are so sore, especially my knees. I know it’s the weight; arthritis is
something that runs through my family.
If I don’t fix this now, I may not be able to in the future.<br />
<br />
So that’s
it. We are going to do this. We have to do this. God I hope we do this.</div>
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Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-45956132993239852362013-12-12T10:33:00.000-08:002013-12-12T10:33:18.589-08:00How I Learned to Let Go and Stop Worrying
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am a busy girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <em> </em>(</span>I
know, I know, you’re tired of hearing me and other people you know constantly
complain about being busy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But bear with
me for a minute because we are going to work through it and get to the good
stuff.)<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ok, where was I?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ah
yes, the busy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLyz_gFgJcdqf1qUQkqFophDvpgvw_uy7YdZAKiYxTVPLhuR7PGpEali3q-DUQPIkqVZs0Qu05935iAnP3Mw2d4Dlol59HU_Vs4uGFbgpzhjv_nLjKCRFvK7waw5KDshH87JMrSDNndkAK/s1600/The+busiest+girl+in+the+world.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLyz_gFgJcdqf1qUQkqFophDvpgvw_uy7YdZAKiYxTVPLhuR7PGpEali3q-DUQPIkqVZs0Qu05935iAnP3Mw2d4Dlol59HU_Vs4uGFbgpzhjv_nLjKCRFvK7waw5KDshH87JMrSDNndkAK/s320/The+busiest+girl+in+the+world.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>This is a pretty accurate representation of my calendar</em></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am a busy girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Over the past year I have added so many responsibilities to my life that
it got a bit out-of-hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Working
full-time, working over-time, opening a small bookshop with Wunder Hubs,
parenting the Kiddo, joining with other Downtown Topeka businesses to form an
advertising coop, contributing to a local magazine, school full-time, and a
seemingly constant line of family members in the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It got to the point where I had to give up
hours of sleep to ensure I would get everything done on time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I did, but the cost I paid was my own
health and stress level.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then along came my surgery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Was I nervous?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe, but in the
weeks leading up to it I was more focused on the things I needed to take care
of before going under.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right down to the
night before I was working on this and that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The morning of the surgery I got up, rode in the car with my Hubs, and
went into the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The usual things
happened next, change into the ever so fashionable gown, put on a rockin’ hair
net thing, score some of the most coveted hospital socks, get an IV put in and it’s
time to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then came the moment I had
been waiting for, the one I had been dreaming about, fast and deep sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The wave came over me so quickly, it was like
tingly magic and I welcomed it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzQfrweGGsUn2YGvgTVB9SxW5lt7cfLHZObOg21SNJcm2Ib9mOf61Q6i2irEF8h8_tQDtT8UZxnNyUmtmmySkS1dndJYmSxktIn3K4t8Fe8zTgOg-qp7P4uOElxRzL7uNltYGMOUbq6S5J/s1600/dorothy-in-the-poppy-field-the-wizard-of-oz-4640408-1024-7681.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzQfrweGGsUn2YGvgTVB9SxW5lt7cfLHZObOg21SNJcm2Ib9mOf61Q6i2irEF8h8_tQDtT8UZxnNyUmtmmySkS1dndJYmSxktIn3K4t8Fe8zTgOg-qp7P4uOElxRzL7uNltYGMOUbq6S5J/s320/dorothy-in-the-poppy-field-the-wizard-of-oz-4640408-1024-7681.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>Aww yiss... Mutha. F*#&in' Rest</em></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I spent one night in the hospital with my Wunder Hubs never
leaving my side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Came home and slept for
two days on the couch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grandma Nelda and
my Aunts regularly checked in on me and made sure I was doing ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then for the next two weeks I mostly lay on
my couch, watched Netflix, and played <a href="https://minecraft.net/" target="_blank">Minecraft</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was great!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Our kitten curled up with me and the corgi was always close by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I watched the fall rains come down, watched
the sun come up, and enjoyed time with my family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The whole time I did not worry about a single
project, no deadlines, even my instructor let me take it easy in school for a
couple of weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was in this wonderful
limbo of relaxation and <a href="http://www.mauryshow.com/" target="_blank">Maury Povich </a>at 2:00pm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(You ARE the father!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are NOT
the father! WOOOO *Backflips*)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgucd35aOalPp0Ov8x5VddI4MqJZbt1Oy9AqBB_aJJ3er7sz8bphpKG4xxag8a7XWE4pcqE9ZJOMLZPlJSj6dlrS9qAGOjJll3YVqiuN3GW5_Chs_Er02DhWGcmaaH6C08TldLR7ceuRCUt/s1600/the-best-moments-on-the-maury-show-48-pics_37.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgucd35aOalPp0Ov8x5VddI4MqJZbt1Oy9AqBB_aJJ3er7sz8bphpKG4xxag8a7XWE4pcqE9ZJOMLZPlJSj6dlrS9qAGOjJll3YVqiuN3GW5_Chs_Er02DhWGcmaaH6C08TldLR7ceuRCUt/s320/the-best-moments-on-the-maury-show-48-pics_37.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>Daytime Television at it's finest</em></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The first day I started to ease back into things I was a
mess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a client who needed graphic
design and social media work pronto, the coop needed the same and quickly, the
bookshop needed help with some things, and school hit in full swing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was stressed out, so much so that I
could not focus on my work; I kept fidgeting and going back and forth from one
project to another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stressed from the
time I opened my email until the time I finished with the last project around
11:00pm that night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJnItQh_IrX01mCk3vFxcqjCyPsPdt-qvlr2inPorEvCoefNDDz7wT56C5freQhfA5i3653Tx4ReE7OtYBlcNEEx-T1q1yfhV_uruRNtcGTkgkg7hLCVd0It1MiNLX826jdMX0olajK_cg/s1600/Cloning+is+a+swell+idea.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><em><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJnItQh_IrX01mCk3vFxcqjCyPsPdt-qvlr2inPorEvCoefNDDz7wT56C5freQhfA5i3653Tx4ReE7OtYBlcNEEx-T1q1yfhV_uruRNtcGTkgkg7hLCVd0It1MiNLX826jdMX0olajK_cg/s1600/Cloning+is+a+swell+idea.png" /></em></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>I know! Cloning is a swell idea!</em></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This was a huge wakeup call for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why was I getting so worked up about all of
this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes I have a lot to work on, but I
am capable of doing each of these jobs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All I am gaining by stressing out so much over every little thing is
misery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am miserable, my family is
miserable, and I am certain even my pets are unhappy with this cycle of
drama.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I decided the next day that I am
going to do my best to just calm down, get the work done and go on with my
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been a month since I made that
decision and life is so much easier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
am not constantly watching for the sky to fall, instead I am enjoying the
ride.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see I am involved with some of
the coolest things!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And a year ago I
would have never imagined that I would be doing the work I am doing now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just great and I am so appreciative to
be a part of all of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For the curious, here are some of the things I am a part of:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="http://www.oddfellowbooks.com/" target="_blank">Oddfellow’s Fine Books and Collectables</a> – Hubs and my little
bookshop!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have been featured in a
couple of articles <a href="http://cjonline.com/news/business/2013-06-02/couple-expands-downtown-bookstore" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://www.seveneightfive.com/lifestyle/oddfellows-welcomed/" target="_blank">here</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
our online catalogue can be found <a href="http://www.abebooks.com/oddfellows-fine-books-and-collectables-topeka/58807867/sf" target="_blank">here</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Get-Downtown-Topeka/650666541626824" target="_blank">Get Downtown Topeka</a> – A collaboration of business owners in
Downtown Topeka, we share sales, news and more!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="http://www.downtowntopekainc.com/" target="_blank">Downtown Topeka Inc.</a> – We are members of DTI and I have been
working with them on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/NORMANtheNutcracker" target="_blank">Norman the Nutcracker</a> campaign.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has been a blast!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="http://www.btandcocpa.com/" target="_blank">Berberich Trahan & Co.</a> – I have moved from receptionist
to marketing consultant with BT&Co. in the last year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I work with various clients to help them
utilize online marketing as well as create promotional materials for the
firm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Basically I have the best job in
the world!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="http://www.seveneightfive.com/" target="_blank">Seveneightfive Magazine</a> – One of the coolest publications
around!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get to write for the magazine
from time-to-time as well as some fun graphic work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Currently I am working on the cover for the
next issue, so exciting!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/112796828765489/" target="_blank">The Topeka History Geeks</a> – My pet project that has grown
into a local movement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a group on
Facebook where people share and discuss local historical topics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yesterday the group reached 4,000 members!</span><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPHoUV2jWEfDFk91Al5hWVI6hG0ND6G7H9HiK7CaEs3GbCdlHCRXzLSikxwUY-L1_4KIjG4mJdkmU1urhRSz-hnb7UkPgV66_YJ1wD7GeLR8PqWb6Kb3jqKZdnlBPJtcdq76JaZynDAHl_/s1600/The+best+kid+in+the+world.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPHoUV2jWEfDFk91Al5hWVI6hG0ND6G7H9HiK7CaEs3GbCdlHCRXzLSikxwUY-L1_4KIjG4mJdkmU1urhRSz-hnb7UkPgV66_YJ1wD7GeLR8PqWb6Kb3jqKZdnlBPJtcdq76JaZynDAHl_/s320/The+best+kid+in+the+world.jpg" width="238" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>Just look at that handsome kid!</em></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>Parent to the best kid in the world</strong> – Lastly, I want to
mention how proud I am of my kiddo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While I have been going on about things in my life, he has been dealing
with his own struggles and successes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His dad moved to California over a year ago and that was pretty tuff on
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he has bounced back and is
happier than ever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He still talks to his
dad online and plays video games with him once a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wunder Hubs and Kiddo have been bonding more
than ever and are quickly becoming a team that likes to gang up on Mom (Meh, I’m
ok with it).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has been learning guitar
since he was around five or six years old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now he has taken up cello and is killing it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The boy has the most outstanding talent for
music and he makes me so proud every time I hear him practice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has been so patient while I work at home
on weekends, every time I apologize to him for taking so long he says “MOM,
Stop worrying!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m FINE”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So kiddo, I have taken your advice, I have
stopped worrying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you know
what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m fine too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-12517184631533479302013-10-06T19:44:00.005-07:002013-10-06T19:44:54.889-07:00In Germany, “Hospital” is called “Krankenhaus”<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgseqTrovJBOZWa9Q0dkAmPXh4qFtaH_g-b2MqFOQRDXRZGcH5u7g9ICp1avsw6TVLD7rxlVZl3qNDZ18naELnmjHujsL7E-f077Sd2VIDVOl0c_yKgnN6edS0Ffw5DgT6uunP2VKDXkUor/s1600/topeka+hospital+martha+is+a+fat+girl+fat+martha+blog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgseqTrovJBOZWa9Q0dkAmPXh4qFtaH_g-b2MqFOQRDXRZGcH5u7g9ICp1avsw6TVLD7rxlVZl3qNDZ18naELnmjHujsL7E-f077Sd2VIDVOl0c_yKgnN6edS0Ffw5DgT6uunP2VKDXkUor/s320/topeka+hospital+martha+is+a+fat+girl+fat+martha+blog.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This way to the par-tay!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
2013 has been the year of the hospital. I have learned many of the back hallway short
cuts, where the best vending machines are located, how to find a nurse when
none is to be found. I also know which floors have the best waiting rooms (ICU
waiting room is amazing, I hope you never see it). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
Here’s an update on how everyone is doing…….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
Aunt Sondra – No one fights like this lady,
seriously, no one. From January to September
of this year she has been fighting. She
fought cancer, fought internal bleeding, fought as her body kept trying to shut
down, she fought through it all. More
than once we were told that she was not going to make it. There were many nights where we rushed up to
the hospital and stayed by her side. She
gave me the best birthday gift ever back in February; I got the call and rushed
to the hospital. She was doing badly, it
wasn't looking good. My cousin, Dennis,
and I both stayed the night along with my Aunt Susie who rarely left Sondra’s
side. We all watched over her and did
all that we could to make her comfortable.
She pulled through the night, happy birthday to me! She’s been home and out of the hospital for
around five weeks. She’s feeling
better, doing her physical therapy, and working hard at getting back to
normal. I am happy to report that my
Aunt’s are not home right now, they are on a very well deserved vacation. After the year they have been through, the
ups and downs…….. I hope that every
moment of this trip is memorable and a joy.
I love those ladies so much! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzjkbGWCABKuM6mtfpVpVz-DVtZqcMZODOEYhTKUkjBl5gDKzjNxpiLmJ1b20b6q4w5PHqaIEqDRpeG-zP8FmgiIp-PE_skJZ5moPbpuxnrFfYwrbI96Xcb6NmGpv_1LLQDrJ9w-q2QmPW/s1600/Oddfellows+books+coins+maps+topeka+kansas+collectibles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzjkbGWCABKuM6mtfpVpVz-DVtZqcMZODOEYhTKUkjBl5gDKzjNxpiLmJ1b20b6q4w5PHqaIEqDRpeG-zP8FmgiIp-PE_skJZ5moPbpuxnrFfYwrbI96Xcb6NmGpv_1LLQDrJ9w-q2QmPW/s320/Oddfellows+books+coins+maps+topeka+kansas+collectibles.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small; text-align: start;">Oh! Did I forget to tell you???? WE BOUGHT A BOOKSTORE! </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">
Wunder Hubs – Brandon has been working very hard
at improving his lifestyle. We do not
keep salt in the apartment ever. We try
to eat more veggies and rarely have red meat.
We do eat out from time to time but not like we did before. Every morning after he drops the kiddo off
at school, Brandon takes a walk around <span style="background-color: transparent;">Downtown Topeka before opening the
shop. Brandon’s dream has always been to own and
operate a little hobby shop, and earlier this year that dream became a
reality! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent;">You can see the website for
Oddfellow’s Fine Books and Collectibles<a href="http://www.oddfellowbooks.com/" target="_blank"> here</a>. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent;">And you can follow us on Facebook<a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Oddfellows-Fine-Books-and-Collectables/499873516736534" target="_blank"> here</a>. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent;">And on Twitter </span><span style="background-color: transparent;"><a href="https://twitter.com/OddfellowsBooks" target="_blank">@oddfellowsbooks</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent;">And if you want to get extra crazy….
You can follow our shop blog <a href="http://oddfellowbooks.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">here</a>. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent;"> But back to Brandon, he’s doing very well, it’s not easy living the
healthy lifestyle but he’s trying. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqg-7Us61wzDg1kkzYPEvck_751nr_nxwKalU7aVB_pxmQE3-_zIjEE_aRT319GMrZfd3hzktofrEPPsu8WvYh3WoABqfOQHu_kWzwPGOidKz9ecMUQVvDQzkB42DdWSeRm9K1zDKHgKiS/s1600/ovary-plush_med.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqg-7Us61wzDg1kkzYPEvck_751nr_nxwKalU7aVB_pxmQE3-_zIjEE_aRT319GMrZfd3hzktofrEPPsu8WvYh3WoABqfOQHu_kWzwPGOidKz9ecMUQVvDQzkB42DdWSeRm9K1zDKHgKiS/s1600/ovary-plush_med.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aren't ovaries just adorable?! You can buy this ovary plush <a href="http://iheartguts.com/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=207" target="_blank">here</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">
Me – So Sondra was in the hospital for months,
Hubs was in for weeks, well you know, I couldn't let them have all the
fun! Later this month I am going to have
a hysterectomy. I will likely be in the
hospital for an overnight stay then home for at least two weeks rest. I’m not scared, I’m relieved. I have been dealing with Poly-cystic Ovarian
Syndrome (PCOS) for many years. It’s
time to be free of it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
So there you have it, the year of the
hospital. Only three months left in the
year, it should be interesting. I do not
think I will be reporting any big weight loss successes by the end of the
year. But you never know. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
So here’s some comic relief<a href="" name="_GoBack"></a>,
my favorite blogger, Allie Brosh, is putting out a new book! Go to amazon and pre order it <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Hyperbole-Half-Unfortunate-Situations-Mechanisms/dp/1451666179/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1381113338&sr=8-1&keywords=allie+brosh" target="_blank">NOW</a>! <o:p></o:p></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimOC3zv0at9hZUKV-hpkWmRvoeR3ved0SepyfQSEMILcQIFljNQQAVouH2sOlTo7ACg2cMrCfmZ_rFXnBvRdk1W09MJMpkfZkUDewckDqqrX6WvjsiLwHjqfI8hXXAhXZrJJiA9G2-tr9c/s1600/hyperbole+and+a+half.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimOC3zv0at9hZUKV-hpkWmRvoeR3ved0SepyfQSEMILcQIFljNQQAVouH2sOlTo7ACg2cMrCfmZ_rFXnBvRdk1W09MJMpkfZkUDewckDqqrX6WvjsiLwHjqfI8hXXAhXZrJJiA9G2-tr9c/s320/hyperbole+and+a+half.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Check out <a href="http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html" target="_blank">"Hyperbole and a Half"</a></td></tr>
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Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-74211359950586129152013-05-13T20:56:00.001-07:002013-05-13T20:56:02.324-07:00Hollow
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7IOO0vkDMtHQuoa6HN5xpt5e7DyGMQ0ZheAlixmDOwC9cDfDMFr8IuIalb3kcNDkRxB1_KE2FRt7A3_QaGpkKcgcYF4qk06_HBvI-hrJgWFqkdoiKZ-5kNOit7EjszFdkw90SE9YlE4x5/s1600/I+feel+hollow++Chad+Hagen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7IOO0vkDMtHQuoa6HN5xpt5e7DyGMQ0ZheAlixmDOwC9cDfDMFr8IuIalb3kcNDkRxB1_KE2FRt7A3_QaGpkKcgcYF4qk06_HBvI-hrJgWFqkdoiKZ-5kNOit7EjszFdkw90SE9YlE4x5/s320/I+feel+hollow++Chad+Hagen.jpg" width="241" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Artist Chad Hagen captures it nicely</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I feel hollow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have
no other way that I can think to describe it. This is the point where I do not
cry any more, I just sit, stare and breathe because that is all that I can
do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have fidgeted around this place
enough that there is nothing left to pick up, nothing left to clean.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cannot do any more; all I can do is sit
here so I am going to write you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Once more I am blogging to from a hospital room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time it is St. Francis hospital and it
is my husband who is fighting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sit
here and watch him sleep and I think about what brought us to this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Simply put, it is addiction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are addicted to a lifestyle that is
deplorable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are self destructing and
what is even more sickening is we are bringing a child down with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has to stop and it has to stop NOW.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My husband is 32 years old and on Saturday he
experienced a cardiac event while driving to work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If he had not decided to go to the emergency
room, if he had chosen to push on through and open the book store, if he had
not had the good sense to listen to his body…… he would have had a heart
attack, and he would have died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is
happening to us at 32.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They put three
stints in his heart today and now we face the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no more fixing this later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We either fix it now or there is no
future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So this is it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No more hoping we are going to get better,
either we will or we are gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have surpassed
my original weight to reach an embarrassing 270 pounds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hubby is sitting somewhere much higher than
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can blame it on stress, that’s
an easy out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But no matter how much
stress I am under, I still have a choice I can make every time I decide to feed
my body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are not giving our bodies nutrition;
we are stuffing ourselves with poison disguised as comfort food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes us feel better, it cheers us
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The food has become this glorious
release, in a sense, a freedom from the things that bring us down in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, when things are going well, we celebrate
by eating. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have come to believe there
is no rhyme or reason to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no
magical answer to why we do this or why it is so very hard to stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only answer I have at the moment is that
we must stop, and that is enough for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPCp3cH7eoreQPfdHHZF0qCXPObEUco7wNVi7aPFYRb8wq94YnfD_1cvib-N6KsFTqPAIBeO_-mnCF8uInw9o-t1brqYACLpyayYZUI7JEY0BNnYmsQybBV0CIrd4sN87s_0M2kgLH_SQB/s1600/No+Excuses+Weight+Loss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPCp3cH7eoreQPfdHHZF0qCXPObEUco7wNVi7aPFYRb8wq94YnfD_1cvib-N6KsFTqPAIBeO_-mnCF8uInw9o-t1brqYACLpyayYZUI7JEY0BNnYmsQybBV0CIrd4sN87s_0M2kgLH_SQB/s320/No+Excuses+Weight+Loss.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621221547942690704.post-38754252763280417802013-01-25T20:47:00.002-08:002013-01-25T20:47:29.981-08:00The Mysterious Case of the Disappearing Blogger<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.25pt; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hey HEY hey everyone!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still alive and I am sorry for not blogging more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The best way for me to explain is to fill you in on what’s been going on since my last post. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have never been so busy in all my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought it was hard to be a mom, work full time and go to school online.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But now I have added so much more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I work closely with two historical societies helping with online marketing and membership.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I help spread the online networks of local small businesses every chance I get.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I still maintain my facebook group Topeka History Geeks, </span>I am deep into the Masters program now and it requires a lot more work than ever before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And since October I have been asked to join the staff of the awesome Topeka based magazine <a href="http://www.seveneightfive.com/" target="_blank">seveneightfive</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So yeah, I’m busy pretty much all the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like everything I am involved in, but sometimes I worry I have taken on too much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There have been some instances where I have to choose between meeting a deadline and getting enough sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But so far I have been able to manage it all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am working on finding a way to get things a bit more organized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We shall see how that goes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig-0DcqTKbSORBIteIuiXrCHiXFs8iwt2YuJ8d-nDXOkaq8tcsbo34monFXn5hP0_smZzH6rrveqHCfy3ZMlALBj1gmdjLWh4Yw6Kj8pdIZU98EgdjjrxtgONT9mVwZ11d68EXrUjKbM1e/s1600/Sondra+Murray+and+Martie+Rison+Panera+Bread+Ladies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig-0DcqTKbSORBIteIuiXrCHiXFs8iwt2YuJ8d-nDXOkaq8tcsbo34monFXn5hP0_smZzH6rrveqHCfy3ZMlALBj1gmdjLWh4Yw6Kj8pdIZU98EgdjjrxtgONT9mVwZ11d68EXrUjKbM1e/s320/Sondra+Murray+and+Martie+Rison+Panera+Bread+Ladies.jpg" width="309" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sondra and I showing you that we are a force to be reckoned with</td></tr>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Right now I am sitting in a hospital room in Stormont-Vail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not me who is hooked up to all those tubes and wires; it’s my Aunt Sondra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see her Lymphoma has returned for the third time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the moment she is resting soundly but the two weeks leading up to today has been a whirl wind of pain and agony for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sondra is a fighter and her pain tolerance is the highest of anyone I have ever seen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To see her brought to tears by the tumor resting on her spine is one of the most unsettling things to witness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She maintains her high spirits and keeps on fighting. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love this lady like a mother and she has to get better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all need her too much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So now diet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I weighed myself at the beginning of the year, 255.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can you believe I did that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last year I started at 265, got all the way down to 226.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now here I am at just ten pounds below my starting weight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a freaking catastrophe I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And already I am failing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started the whole New Year’s resolution and made it one week before I failed again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think it is stress and depression that is motivating me to give in to my food desires.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know I am better than this, but right now I lack the desire or the drive to improve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to get back with it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am not going to be so bold as to promise you I am getting back on track, because obviously that isn’t working.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So now I have to figure out what works for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What will help me change my life for good?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As soon as I figure that out I will let you know my friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will shout it from the mountain tops.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtl4JzdACh1XMWdui6Xqp5JXaBpw3z_hsbETN2ueXWuV3dfmqMnSo57k-B7GtaROMz0czhhtTBLvXYUhYBg79_d07oey8E1aASypsEZPQxaQQXZwhBPh2m-sOYBgFxA8dSS9hD0EVOSw_e/s1600/shout+from+the+mountian+tops.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtl4JzdACh1XMWdui6Xqp5JXaBpw3z_hsbETN2ueXWuV3dfmqMnSo57k-B7GtaROMz0czhhtTBLvXYUhYBg79_d07oey8E1aASypsEZPQxaQQXZwhBPh2m-sOYBgFxA8dSS9hD0EVOSw_e/s320/shout+from+the+mountian+tops.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The suspense is killing me</td></tr>
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Martiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13150203455865148227noreply@blogger.com4