My Satisfied Heart

For the last several years, if not for the last couple of decades, or perhaps my entire life, I have struggled to find my place in the world. What I have wanted seemed to be what so many people get automatically. I wanted a family, friends, a home of my own, a career, a child and a partner. What I have learned along the way is that you don't just get these things automatically, you aren't just handed them. You really have to work at it. Also, no one's life is as simple and easy as it may appear. Everyone struggles, everyone fights battles and everyone is working at it in some way shape or form. Tonight I am sitting here thinking about how very fortunate I am and how very grateful I am for all that I have. Because my heart and my life is very full.  I might be a little superstitious because proclaiming this makes me fear that the ceiling will come crashing down. Hopefully that is not the case, but if it is, I will enjoy this moment right here, right now.

I've noticed it more and more lately, I am changing and I think it is for the better. Little things like thumbing past my more melancholy CD's and choosing more upbeat music to sing along to in the car. Or big things like learning that I am loosing hearing in my right ear and reacting with the thought "Well, my left ear is fine, things could be a lot worse". Every day I hit obstacles and road blocks that might have sent me down a spiral of  stress and despair before. Now I see the issues, think through them and roll on. Plus I am happier, I am just really happier. Of course I have bad days, we all do, but I am very satisfied with my life. Not because I am filthy rich and living the high life, far from it. But because my life is full of love, family, friends and more. What more could I ever ask for? I do not yearn for change, I simply enjoy each day in hopes that the next day will be just as full.

I do not have any major weight loss to report. I've been maintaining but not dropping lately. I just wanted to tell you, dear reader, that life is so very sweet. Take a minute and really look at your life and celebrate what is most precious to you, it makes things so much better when they get rough.

Goals and What-Not

Well, the last week of January was a bit of a struggle but the first week of February went much better. I haven't been a complete rock star but I've been doing pretty good. Friday I stepped on the scale and saw that I am finally under 280, down to 279 to be exact. That's 25lbs lost!!! That means I've hit my first weight loss goal of 2016!  Woo Hoo! To celebrate I would like to play a round of what weighs 25lbs?!

Gilda is an adorable terrier mix who weighs in at 25lbs!

This is Andre the Giant Cat and he weighs an impressive 25lbs!

This huge pillow is 5 feet long and weighs 25lbs!

So I'm feeling pretty good about hitting that first goal but that means I have to keep on working because I still have a long way to go.  My next goal is not a weight goal but a size goal.  I want to fit into this....

I purchased this beautiful shirt at The Merchant while visiting the amazing Lisa Boyd. This top is perfect, lovely shade of red, art nouveau flowers and the cut is just fantastic.  I tried it on when I got home and my belly is just too big for it. So My next goal is to get to where I can wear this lovely top without constrictions.  We will see how it goes!

Slipping

One thing that I really love about keeping this blog is that it helps me to see the patterns I seem to have in dieting. I start to do well, see some results, get comfortable and then I slip back into bad habits. Since the beginning of this year I have done very well, until last week. Last week I struggled and lost daily. Each time I told myself that I would get back with it "tomorrow". And each tomorrow turned out to be a failure as well.  Now, I'm not full-on super sized meal deal failing, but I am slipping a little bit each day. I have started having sodas again which I had completely eliminated. I find myself justifying late night snacks. And I am allowing myself to buy things like three cookies. When I buy the cookies I intend to eat one a day as a snack. But without fail I eat all three in one day. I have to be stronger if I want to get past this stage of teetering and push into a solid healthier lifestyle. The Wunder Hubs has been doing fantastically and seems to be shrinking daily. I know men loose weight faster than women generally but I also know he has been a lot better about watching what he puts in his body.  I need to be like him. I also need to get back on the treadmill, I haven't for weeks and I feel it.  So far today has been a good day, I am way under my calorie count and I plan on staying that way. We will see how it goes.

Today's theme song is Missy Elliott's Lose Control 

Long Overdue Update

It's been a while since I have shared and a lot has changed. Let me fill you in on what is new.

Find this and many other fabulous designs at One Little Bird Studio

After years of looking and a lifetime of dreaming, the hubs and I have bought our first house. It is a beautiful little house here in Topeka with plenty of room for the boy to play and the dogs to run. We officially became home owners last May and after a month of taking down wallpaper, refinishing floors and painting we moved in at the beginning of June. We are mostly settled in now, though we still have a list of projects to complete around the house and a few wayward boxes waiting to be unpacked. But we are home and we absolutely love it. After living here for seven months now I still find myself pausing and just thinking about how much I absolutely love this house. Getting here was not easy, we looked at so many houses and we went through some disappointments during the search for our new home. In hindsight now it is easy to see that all of those disappointments happened so we could end up here. Today I am grateful, going through it I was so bummed. I always think I have life figured out and then another lesson comes along and reminds me that I still have no idea what I am doing. :)

Behold, our Booty Dog

 Our family has grown by one big, black dog. Ophelia came to live with us when she was just three months old. We named her Ophelia because of her big sad eyes and our love of books. At the time, she was a little fluffy puppy that had an extra amount of fluff on her rear end which earned her the nickname "Booty Dog". Now the most effective way to call her is to shout "Booty Booty Booty!", she will come running every time.

I have a new job!

This past November I started working for St. Francis Health and I absolutely LOVE IT. Everyone I have met there is so great. And my boss is simply fantastic to work for. The project load can be challenging at times but that is part of what makes it so satisfying. Being challenged means I am growing and learning as a professional and that is exactly what I want to do. We have been patients of St. Francis for years, From the hub's stay in the PCU, his cardiac event and my hysterectomy have all been with St. Francis. Now I get to be a part of the team that takes care of patients and makes sure that your visit to St. Francis is a good one. I am just over the moon.  

Another outstanding thing about working at the hospital is that there are some side effects that are changing my life in a positive way. Working healthcare makes you really think about your own physical health. Plus the long halls and various objectives means I am up and walking quite a bit during my day, more so than I have in years. As you can imagine, these factors have contributed to a fantastic change in my lifestyle...

Awwwww Yeahhhhh!!!

For the first time in three years I am starting to see real results! When I started at St. Francis in November I weighed in at 304 pounds. Yes, the horrible 300 mark was not only hit it was surpassed. In November I had serious back pain, a knee that was constantly swollen and sore, foot pain and I was winded if I exerted myself at all. Nearly three months later I am down 20 pounds, my aches and pains have all improved and while I still get winded when trying to keep up with my colleges in the hallways, I am able to go a lot longer and a lot faster than before. It's not a major loss to report BUT it is a HUGE step in the right direction. Hubs has gotten on board too and has been dropping weight and thinning out quite a bit. He is fantastic about fixing us healthy meals at home so we are not constantly loading up on junk food. One thing that has been motivating him is the PBS special In Defense of Food which is a very good watch and I highly recommend you check it out. 

Check out In Defense of Food

So I can now say that 20 pounds of Bertha have been removed. Here's to continued Bertha removal. It feels so good to be getting back to progress. Knowing now how very hard it is to get back on track once I slip I am going to do my very best to stick with it this time. I may have some days that are not as good as others, but I can't have weeks that are consistently bad. I have to make the effort to make this a permanent lifestyle change. Right now it is nice to have some good news to report. It feels great. 

Thanks for reading! 

Martie