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Friday, June 29, 2012

5 Lbs of Fat Vs. 5 Lbs of Muscle

I have been a very bad girl.  Every day I get up with the thought “Today is the day I get back on it”.  But by the time 3:00 in the afternoon arrives I have failed in one way or another.  It is frustrating.  I just cannot get back on the bandwagon.  I have settled into this weight, I no longer feel like this is new, it’s simply where I am at.  I find myself forgetting the progress I have made and I start to wonder if I have really made that much progress.  I mean, barely anyone notices the weight loss.  My husband says it’s because of the way I dress, I have always concealed my weight as much as possible.  When I started this I did not take a “before” picture.  I see those as a good way to jinx myself, and then be stuck with a picture of me that I hate.  So I wonder, did 30 pounds really make that much of a difference?  Then I came across this picture. 
This really hit home
Yes, 30 pounds has definitely made a difference.   That is why I went down two dress sizes, that is why I can comfortably reach my feet again, and that is why I breathe better when I sleep.  I took a tremendous amount of mass off of my body.   I still have a lot more to go.  At the beginning of the year I made my goal to be down to 175 pounds by Christmas.  I do not think that will happen now, I have gotten too far off track.  I am readjusting my goal.  I now hope to be under 200 pounds by the end of the year.   I currently weigh 232 pounds, if I stick with it and really work at it I should be able to make it happen.

So here we go yet again.  As of Monday July 2nd I will be back on the diet in full force.  That means NO cheating, LOTS of exercise and LOTS of water.  I can do this, I just have to stick to it.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Greetings from Baldknobber Country

As I write this I am sitting in a condo in Branson, MO that is way beyond my financial means.  It is a time share that was loaned to us by family.  I just finished a wonderful bath in a jacuzzi tub and am now sporting a facial mask that looks too close to black face for comfort.  This is a wonderful get away that was long, long overdue.  The only thing missing is my dear wunder hubby who had to stay home due to work schedule issues.  The last vacation we took was back in 2009, it was time for a break.  To prepare for the trip I have taken two weeks off of school, scheduled the time off of work, and made certain to not obligate myself to any other community activities that may come my way until the end of June.  I am very relaxed, this is good. 
Branson is a good little vacation spot, just be sure to save up the deniro before you head this way.  There is very little that is free or cheap.  There are ways to save money; coupons that can be picked up at the Visitors Welcome Center, The Branson Guest Card, and if you can spare a few hours, time share presentations that offer show tickets among other things. 
As you may suspect my food choices have not been the best since we have been on the trip.  Fried foods, BBQ Nachos, Funnel Cakes, Fudge, snacky foods, and burgers galore have been whirling around me for days now.  The week before I left I was actually doing better.  I was tracking my food intake on MyFitnessPal and staying pretty well within my calorie limit.   But as the weekend of this trip arrived all the good work went back down hill.  I plan to hit the new life plan hard when I get back home. 
I find myself continuously making promises to get back to it next week.  My last several posts have had the same theme.  If I keep failing, I am going to end up right back where I was before.  That thought makes my very full stomach ache with fear.  I cannot allow myself to go back.  This blog has helped me to see the pattern I take when attempt to lose weight.  It’s sort of like false start, false start, small victory, binge, false start, false start, big success, taper off, binge, maintain, and fail.   I have got to break this cycle.  Perhaps now that I am more aware of it I can have more power over it. 

Photo evidence of the Brot Trot.  I am the short & round one

Lastly I want to give a quick update on the Brat Trot.  I did it.  But I have to say if it were not for my dear friends Brandon Sheley and Catie Walker, I may not have made it.  I was not able to run the entire route as I had hoped. In fact after many weeks of being out of commission I barely ran half of the thing (that is if you add all of my running time together.  I mostly walked as fast as I could manage).  I ended up crossing the finish line at 49 minutes.  I was proud of myself for doing it, yet very disappointed in how much I have allowed myself to lose the motivation I had just a month or so before. 
So good night my dearies.  I am headed off to bed.  One more day of gallivanting around Branson then back to my beloved Topeka.  And back to the arms of my darlin’ wunder hubby whom I am missing more and more by the minute.