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Thursday, December 22, 2011

I am a Topekan

I am from Topeka, Kansas. I cannot be defined by one specific neighborhood of Topeka because I have lived in nearly all of them. A nomad of sorts, my youth was full of transition and turmoil. In my 31 years I have lived in over 30 locations, 25 of which have been in Topeka. I have been through hell in this town. I have seen Topeka at its most ugly, at its worst. At one point in my life all I wanted to do was escape it. But I have learned that if I want things to be better here I cannot simply run away and do nothing. I want a better Topeka, not only for myself but for my son. And for the little girl who is stuck in a bad part of town, living in poverty. The child who thinks things like college, safe housing, etc. are unobtainable for her. We must break the mentality that “this is just the way it is”, because NO IT IS NOT! There is so much opportunity in this town, you just have to go out and find it.

While I have seen the bad side of Topeka, I have also seen this town at its most beautiful. Sitting on the floor of my Great Aunt Hazel’s office in the capital building, looking out the window at the city below. You get a sense of pride when you look at Topeka from its capital dome, and you develop a deep respect for the many hands that built this town. Topeka is funny in how sometimes; we get in such a big hurry to destroy any evidence of the past. Then in other situations, we cry out in agony when a historical building is destroyed. I have witnessed too many historical buildings blown away or knocked down or simply left to rot. Thankfully there are other buildings we tend to have a little more respect for.

Topeka High School with its tall bell tower, marble walls, checker board floors, gothic library and grand theatre is a treasure. It was truly an honor to attend high school there and now that I am older I am wondering why I was in such a hurry to leave it. I would love nothing more than to spend my days among such classic architecture and beauty. I wish I could go back and attend another ceramic’s class with Moe, or commercial design class with Mrs. Waldron, or take Mrs. Bass’s Jewelry class. They were a great group of art teachers, they did everything within their power to mold and shape me as a young artist.

Our capital building is a beautiful example of what can be done with skill and sandstone. My heart always skips a beat as I enter into the capital, perhaps it’s the grand beauty of every detail, or perhaps I am still hoping to see Aunt Hazel waiting to greet me. For whatever reason, I could spend hours upon hours walking the halls taking in the murals and statues. It is truly beautiful.

Another area that has held strong over the years is Gage Park. Nationally recognized many times over for its colorful rose garden, large public pool and quaint zoo, Gage Park has always been the place to be. Many a young Topekan has played on the concrete shoe, pirate ship, octopus, kangaroo’s, and many other fun creatures. We thrilled as children when we raced down the roller slide that always managed to pinch our behinds. I sit now and watch my son play on the wooden jalopy and little train engine and think about how it wasn’t so long ago that I enjoyed the same activity. We have all ridden the Gage park train that circles the park, and we have all screamed at the top of our lungs as we pass through the tunnel. Walking through the rock garden as a child spotting giant tadpoles and feeding ducks was a thrill for many of us. And young men and women often spend their afternoon sitting on a bench taking in the beauty of the garden, and each other.

I remember Boyles Joyland and how it was a thrill from the time I entered until the time I was drug out of the gate. Riding the little boats, animal rides and of course the carousel. Luckily for all of us after Boyles Joyland, the theme park, closed the carousel was eventually moved to Gage Park. Now it is housed within a protective structure and cared for year round to preserve its beauty.

Another way to respect this city’s past is to simply walk the streets of down town. Take in the display of old and new. You will pass a modern building full of lofts or perhaps a trendy restaurant. And next to that modern building will be an ornately decorated shop front, full of craftsmanship and style. Looking at this building one can imagine all of the businesses it has housed over the long years. Perhaps it was a supply store, a lawyer’s office, a shoe store, or a book store. What was housed in this building when the great flood washed silt and mud into the streets and filled the floors of every structure down town? Who was it that spent many back breaking hours shoveling out the heavy wet earth? Who cleaned every inch of the building? Who cared for this building so much that they spent countless days, weeks or months restoring it? How sad that so many people can walk by this building and only see a dump. There is a “This Space Available” sign that leans on the window, crooked and faded from a long period of indifference. How many men and women have smiled on opening day, unlocking the door on the first day of business all full of hope and determination? And how many tears have been shed at the closing of a business in the same location? How sad that we live our daily lives, passing by these locations where so many lives have been touched, so much effort has been given and so many memories have been forgotten, and we keep walking. We play with our “aps”, we text about how bored we are and we eagerly drive to another side of town. Leaving this building to sit empty even longer.

Luckily there are steps being taken to renew our down town. We have events like Top City Thursdays to showcase and fill our down town. I know several shop owners down town that welcome the new life flowing through the streets. People who were once afraid to walk the streets of down town are now bringing their whole family to shop and play. Nothing gives me hope more than to see cars lining Kansas Avenue on a Thursday night.

Many of my friends who like me, experienced the worst that Topeka has to offer in our youth have a hard time understanding why I am so passionate about our town. “Why are you on this Topeka kick?” is what I hear most often. All I can say is look around. We now have television specials declaring “I Love Topeka!” we have citizens making a real and substantial effort to improve the city. We have events scheduled with the sole purpose of getting the citizens out together and for the first time really meet one another. In the past we stick to our own neighborhoods but now North Topekans, South Topekans, Oaklanders, West Topekans, Central Topekans and so on, we all come together in a celebration of our beautiful city. If Topeka were a person, I think she would be quite flattered.

Sure I could hate this town, in fact in the past I have. But how can I hate it when there are so many people who are starting to see the potential this city actually holds. And how so many people are doing everything they possibly can to help Topeka meet that potential. I would be crazy to simply sit at home and complain! I want Topeka to be better, not only for myself but for my son. I want him to see a downtown bustling with shops, arts and so much more. I want him to take his children to Gage Park and ride the train. I want him to climb the steps of our capital building and take pride in being a Kansan. And I hope, as he does these things he will think of me, and what I did to help make his town what it is. And I hope he can appreciate what all the men and women have done for Topeka in the past. From the most famous citizens to the unsung heroes who work tirelessly to improve their neighborhoods. I hope he doesn’t take any of it for granted.

My name is Martie, and I am a Topekan. There are many things I have done in this town. I have….

· Watched the sun set while sitting on the storm shelter in Green Acers Mobile Home Park.
· Skateboarded and biked the streets of Montara.
· Overlooked downtown Topeka from a cramped apartment in the Green Monster.
· Had a great meal at Bobo’s Drive-in.
· Picked up groceries at Tiltons.
· Taken the city bus to Topeka High.
· Jogged the streets of Oakland.
· Trick or Treated in Potwin.
· Bicycled Gage Park
· Been awakened by gun shots on Lincoln Avenue.
· Rode around Washburn University in those little golf carts.
· Debated face-to-face with the Phelps’s.
· Had the absolute pleasure that is Harold’s Prize Package.
· Tossed candy to children in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade.
· Taken my son to the Fairlawn Plaza Mall Santa, (because that’s the real Santa).
· Picnicked at Lake Shawnee.
· Seen a movie at the Big Chief Drive-in.
· Adopted a best friend at the Helping Hands Humane Shelter.
· Played putt-putt at Family Fun Center.
· Walked the Shunga Trail with a good friend.
· Purchased a good cigar at Churchill’s for my beloved.
· Sold jewelry in the Westboro shopping center.
· Stood in the bell tower of Topeka High.
· Taken in the beauty of Grace Cathedral.
This list can go on and on. Topeka is my home and I am here to stay.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I'm Still Fat and He's Still a Creeper

It’s almost 11:00
I cannot sleep
And two keys on my key board do not work.
I want to write a new blog post, it’s been too long since my last.  But I cannot think of what to write about.  And really, there’s little point in trying to write it as I previously mentioned a keyboard issue.  So I sit and I go through the catalog of topics I keep tucked away in my brain.  Do I publish the post about PTSD that I have been sitting on for two weeks?  No, not sure if I am ready to share that much yet.  Do I write a post on relatives I love, and relatives I am terrified of?  No, this is getting too personal; I have to keep this blog peppy.  Perhaps I should make a simple statement, here it goes.  I weighed myself today for the first time in months.  I have been avoiding the scale like I would avoid a weapon wielding spider lurking on my bathroom floor.  But tonight I did it and I did not like what I saw.   I have gained a lot of weight since I started this blog.  Shit.
So now what do I do?  The answer seems simple enough, eat less, and exercise more.  We shall see if I can do it.  The whole family is planning to do just that after the first of the year.  I hope I can do it.  Because my clothes are not fitting correctly anymore and I am getting more aches and pains than ever.  I have to do this; I am tired of being unhealthy.
On a side note, I hate Martian Short.  While I type this I can hear my kiddo watching The Santa Claus 3 in his room and there is Martian Short being creepy as hell as Jack Frost.  I have always hated Martian Short, as a little girl my stomach would turn at just the sight of him.  His creepy smile, his smug “I’m better than you and thus I shall smother you with a pillow in your sleep” attitude, and well you get the idea.  It would be great if I could take the fat from my body and transfer it to his.  Then I would tell him it was a punishment for being a creeper and lock him away.  After that I would immediately go and do skinny people stuff because I would be bodacious! 
Ok, it’s late and my mind has gone to the odd side.  I'm going to bed to dream about snacky cakes and cheese burgers for another week and a half.  Then it is Tofu hopes and veggie salad dreams.
Good night my friends.
Sleep well..........if you can

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Divorce and the Elegant Family Dance

Divorce sucks. 
It doesn’t matter if the divorce was a tragic mistake or long overdue, it just plain sucks. 
I have been through divorce so many times, five to be exact, but only one of those divorces was my own.  So I suppose you could say I am a connoisseur of divorce, I know when to hold em’, know when to fold em’, etc.  My parents were not fans of commitment, or perhaps they were just terrible at choosing partners.  Each divorce was unique, just like every relationship is different, but one thing always stayed the same, loss.  I hated losing family, and without a doubt, I always did. 
When my first marriage started to go south I fought as hard as I could to keep it going.  I didn’t want it to end, but not because we had some great romance (I think that part ended within the first couple of years of the nine year marriage).  No, I think it was because I desperately did not want to be like my parents.  I wanted to break the cycle of dysfunction.  So after many years of differences, many years of arguments and many heart breaks, I finally let go.  As divorces go, ours wasn’t too bad; in fact we ended up sharing the same lawyer.  We parted ways and have both remarried, I am happier in my second marriage and it appears that he is in his too. 
If I can give out any advice to the world it would be this.  Please think of your children when you are divorcing.  Understand that while you may never want to be close with that person again, your child has a bond with them and needs (not wants) to keep that bond intact.  It is important that the child see all of his or her family get along.  My parent’s fought so viciously when they divorced that I was court-ordered into therapy, I didn’t want that for my son.  Because of this, I try to never fight with my ex and I have maintained a relationship with my former in-laws.  I don’t think that was easy for anyone at first.  There was too much hurt and uncertainty for us to know how to interact.  But we have all prevailed.  We now visit fairly often, we are all facebook friends and we can all resolve conflicts without incident. 
Originally, my main concern was for my son.  I did not want him to lose his connection with his father’s family.  But I was surprised to find how rewarding it is to still be able to connect with them.  They were my family for so long, and honestly, I still consider them family.  And while I do not know my sons step-mother very well, I would be open to becoming friends with her.  We are the community raising my son, if that cannot bond a group of people, I don’t know what could.
 My son thrives in what he calls his “Gavin Family”, he just knows he is loved and that is all he cares about.  I wouldn’t want it to be any other way. 

Monday, November 21, 2011

My Favorite Wizard

The family and I have been watching the Harry Potter movies lately.  We just finished the Prisoner of Azkaban and will soon be moving on to the next.  There are many characters that are endearing in the series but one stands out as my favorite.  

And that one character is Hagrid.
  I like Hagrid for a few different reasons.
I can relate to his size issues.  I often feel that big when sitting closely with people.

He loves him some animals.

The man can rock a furry suit.

And well, I just likes me some Hagrid.

That is all J

Friday, November 11, 2011

My Veterans Day Heroe

Long ago in the before times, I was an Army wife. 

Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, Landstuhl, Germany
I lived on post across the street from Landstuhl Army Medical Center in 2003 when the second Iraq war was officially started.  Being the largest military medical center in Europe, Landstuhl became a very busy place.  Media from all over the world started pouring in, CNN, BBC, CBS, NBC and so on.  Celebrities jumped on board too, Shaq, Jennifer Lopez, Joss Wheaten and many more came through Landstuhl to visit the wounded.  I was also pregnant with my son during this time.  I would go in and out of the hospital to go to my many appointments due to the fact I was a high-risk pregnancy.  On my trips I would see so many…too many, wounded soldiers.  Some just arriving from Iraq, others in the process of trying to heal and cope.  Many of the men and women just arriving would not really talk, they were the most quiet, sullen visitors to the hospital.  I do not think they were able to really grasp what had happened to them, how to go on from that point.  The soldiers that were healing, they were more talkative.  I remember taking my dog, Benny, for a walk one evening and passing by the hospital.  A man called out to me and asked me to bring Benny over.  He said he had been gone from home so long and what he missed most was his dog.  He pet and played with Benny for a long time and then thanked me.  Walking Benny over to visit became a regular evening routine for me until I became too pregnant to go for walks. 

Shoshana Johnson, Patrick Miller, James Riley and David Williams
I met so many interesting people during that time, but one person stands out in my mind the most.  That person is Shoshana Johnson.  Her name might not ring a bell at first but when I tell you that she was one of the POW’s that was rescued with Jessica Lynch, the memory may return.  Before I stated that there was a media presence at Landstuhl when the war started, this was enhanced into a frenzy when the POW’s arrived.  It became very difficult to get anywhere or do anything on post.  To avoid all of the activity in the hospital, I started entering and leaving through a back door that wasn't easy for visitors to the hospital to find.  One day I was headed home from an appointment as usual.  As I opened the side door to the hospital I noticed someone was pushing a soldier in a wheel chair, this door was not automatic so I stopped and held the door.  As they got closer I recognized Shoshana from the news.  When she saw me she commented on how big I looked and that I should be sitting down instead of her.  We had a brief chat and I welcomed her back and thanked her for what she had done.  She was incredibly humble, friendly and had a constant smile on her face.  Shoshana Johnson was, and I say still is, the exact picture of the American spirit and I am honored to say I have met her.  Turns out when I bumped into her she was on the way to join in on this photo shoot. 

Today is Veterans Day and I am happy to say that I have seen nothing but constant tributes to our service men and women all day long.  Continue to remember what they have given up to protect our country.  They give up time with their families, the freedom of sleeping in, the ability to relax at home, the enjoyment of a sick day and so much more.  We take for granted all of these little things, but they treasure them and long for them when they are sleeping in tents and walking through hostile zones.  Thank you to the American Service Men and Women for all that you do. 

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

I Have a Corgi

I have a corgi, her name is Dingo.

When I first discovered that we were to have this fine little stubby addition to our home I decided to do some research.  I went online and read about how popular these dogs are.  I read that they are intelligent, refined, well-mannered and hardly ever shed.  What a great dog!  I couldn’t wait to get her! 
What I pictured arriving at my door step.

What was actually delivered.
She barks C-O-N-S-T-A-N-T-L-Y!

She sheds  half her body weight in fur!
Her little stubby paws smell like......

She has an unreasonable hatred/fear of wheels….

And she freaks out at the smallest sign of human-to-human contact….

 But there are some fantastic and wonderful sides to Dingo too.....
She is a little ball of corg love

She has a way about her that is quite entertaining.

She HATES T-Rex's and will fight to the death to keep them away from her family.

And above all else....
She makes a certain little boy VERY happy

She is our pup and she is here to stay. 

Thank you to for the awesome images I borrowed from you.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Off Subject for a Good Cause

Dear Friends and Readers,

I am going to get off of the subject for someone who I believe truely needs our help.  Please read the following:

Message sent out by Mr. Kickaefer via Facebook – “Folks, I’m not gonna lie.  As of Friday, we’re going to be about $15,000 behind and late in our payments to the American High School Theatre Festival.  We really need your help.  If all of my Facebook friends (and their friends) could send $10, $5 or even $1 to Highland Park Theatre, 2424 SE California Ave. 66604, we could make our ultimate goal of $100,000! Please, please help if you can!

AHSTF has selected 51 out of thousands of nominations across North America to attend and perform at the Edinburgh Arts festival, arguably the most prestigious arts festival in the world.  This is an achievement for not just Topeka, as this is the first time a school from Topeka has been chose, but for KS because this is only the second time a school in KS has been chosen despite numerous nominations.”

I know this is an legitimate plea.  Mr. Kickaefer was our Stage Craft teacher at Topeka High School.  He is such a dedicated and passionate instructor that he is difficult to forget.  He has never asked for help from his former students before, and I know he wouldn’t unless he truly thought we could make a difference in the lives of his students.  Which I might add, Highland Park is a school that is desperate for help and often forgotten by the rest of the town.  Why not show these kids that they count too and Topeka as a whole is proud to send them to this festival and possibly give them a chance for so much more in life. 

Please consider helping.  I am going to send what I can, I hope you do too.
Highland Park Theatre

Monday, October 10, 2011

Society and the Obese

I have always been overweight, I was a fat child, I am a fat adult.  I can tell you first hand that society treats the overweight differently.  We are seen as second class citizens.  We are teased and tortured as children and we are mocked and ridiculed as adults.  We are seen as lazy, accused of being dirty and smelly, and told that we are unattractive.  It is cruel. 

I know what many people will say, it’s my own fault, I have made myself unacceptable.  But I have trouble agreeing with that.  The same society that judges me so harshly also pushes me to eat eat EAT.  Bigger, better, cheesier, sweeter, super-sized, king sized, gotta have it and so on.  We live in a big box world and it is difficult to not live a big box life. 

I am not saying that everyone should be obese, all I am asking is that you not judge the overweight so harshly.  Do not let the door shut in our faces, do not laugh when we eat, do not criticize us for breathing heavily after a flight of stairs.  We do not want to live this way, but this is how we are.  Why do you feel the need to make it worse?  Your behavior displays how shallow you really are.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Diet? We Don't Need No Stinking Diet!

So yep, I’m a fail. 
No I have not been dieting like I so grandly started out to do.  No.  I have been enjoying the greasy, salty and sweet goodness that is junk food.  I have been eating way more than my share of food and I have not been exercising at all.  This is what I do.  I start out with great intentions, it seems so simple, eat less and exercise more.  But who has the time for all that?  I am so tired that I just don’t care right now.  I have so much going on, I work full time, I am going to school, I have a family to take care of plus I have several things going on in social media to keep up with.  “Me” time just doesn’t really exist.  But life is good, I love my job, I am so glad to finally be going to college, I LOVE my family and the social media goodies are a good way to network as well as share my interests with the world.  I know that I will try again at the whole dieting thing.  I just have to find a way to work it into my life.  That is why I started this blog.  To see how this journey goes.  There are going to be ups and downs, but at least we can have fun along the way.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I Hate Vegetables

Oh how they mock me.....
I hate them with every fiber of my being (pun most certainly intended).  I have tried to like them, and there are a few I can tolerate, but I just cannot get on board with them.  They are like little plants that mock me, they are just wrong.  The few vegetables I can stand to eat are as follows:

Potatoes are ok, their starchy goodness sustained me through childhood in mashed form.  I can handle potatoes in just about any form.  They are acceptable.
Corn is a standard as well.  I am from Kansas thus surrounded by corn fields.  To not eat corn would be an insult to our local farmers.

Broccoli is only tolerable raw and dipped in ranch.  Cooked broccoli is most likely one of the grossest things I have ever tried.
Carrots, Peas & Green Beans have been forced upon me so often that I can handle one or two spoonful’s but any more and I am out.

I do enjoy the most basic salads as long as they do not have too many off-the-wall bits hiding in the greenery.
Pretty much any other vegetable is not my friend.  I have tried to make peace with eggplant, but we did not agree.  I tried to argue with asparagus but there was no reasoning with it.  I danced with squash but it simply had no rhythm.  Radishes are cruel, beats are dirty, tomatoes are vial and spinach is just a mess.

There is no hope.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

My Friends

Yes, I am a slacker.

I haven't posted lately, and I haven't been too good about dieting either.  I have had some personal things going on the last week or so and I just haven't been motivated to do much of anything.  After this weekend the craziness that has bogged me down will hopefully be past and I will get back to it.  I had a great first week, since then I have put back on two pounds.  Not thrilled but glad it is not the full six that I lost. 

This week I have been thinking about my friends.  I am very thankful for all of you.  My closest friends have been my friend since my school days.  Some of you have met me along the way and I am very glad for it.  I appreciate each and every one of you.  Recently, the Topeka High School building caught on fire.  My heart immediately sank.  Not just because the school is a local historical treasure, but in many ways it is a home for me, it is where the best friendships I have were formed.  Most of us met before in middle school, but at THS, that is where we made a bond.  I am closer to my friends than I am with my own family.  They are my family.  I stay in touch with all of my friends from school with social media.  Only recently have I started making the effort to see them in the real world.  Fear of rejection, judgement and so on kept me secluded.  Since I have started this blog, I have been making more plans with friends to meet for a meal (Thanks Kay, Pat and Alissa!), for a walk (I promise I will Krista!) or just to hang out, (Neffer this will happen more if I can help it!).  Some of you may know I have a group on facebook called The Topeka History Geeks, they have been asking to schedule a meet & greet for a long time now.  I have told them to go ahead but have never done much to make it happen.  Today I scheduled two events for the group.  I am hoping to attend both if my schedule allows.  If I do not get out into the world and involve myself, the opportunity to do so will pass me by.  So thank you to everyone who is so eager to get me out with them.  I will try my best to behave appropriately and not embarrass you.  Who am I kidding?  Acting a fool is part of who I am!  :) 

Thursday, September 8, 2011

I Blame TLC

You may have been wondering why I haven't blogged since last Friday.  There are a couple of reasons.  One, I chose to take the weekends off from blogging.  Two, I have been busy.  And three, it's all TLCs fault. 

You see, I happened to view an episode of Extreme Couponing and now it is all I can think about.  I want a stock pile!  I want it so bad!!  How great would it be to never have to freak out because you had to buy the expensive groceries this month?!  (the expensive groceries for me are laundry soap, toiletries, cleaners, etc.)  I started looking for coupons and found a few, my friend Kay gave me some tips as to where to find more.  After acquiring some coupons, I decided to take this plan for a test drive.  I went shopping at my local Dillon's and after two hours of walking the store and going over every coupon.........

I SAVED OVER $60!!!!

I utilized my Dillon's Plus Card, took those discounts and combined them with coupons that I had brought with me to the store.  That small victory has sent me in a spin of coupon obsession.  I have spent ALL of my free time hunting, printing and sorting coupons.  So no blogging!  Last night I stopped to observe my coupon hoard and was concerned by what I saw.  Every surface I had available was covered with coupons.  I am not sure I can even use that many!  We will see.  I am determined to save some money and build a stock pile.  I will keep you posted.  

If you want to start obsessing over coupons too, here are a few links to get you started....

There are several groups you can follow on facebook that will help you find deals too.  Enjoy!

Friday, September 2, 2011

Six Pounds!!!

I weighed myself this morning and I am happy to report that I weighed in at 250 lbs!  That is six pounds since Monday.  Hooray!  So I got to thinking, what weighs six pounds?  So I did some very extensive and serious research, here are the results. 

Here is a large box of pens weighing in at.....SIX POUNDS!!!  6 Pound Pens
Here is a glorious bag of gummy bears weighing in at.....SIX POUNDS!!!! Glorious Gummy Bears
Grandpa here was thrilled to whip out his zucchini for us to admire because it weighs....SIX POUNDS!!!!Gerthy Zucchini
Awesome little plane that can fly the sky's that weighs....SIX POUNDS!!!! Fly Away

Lastly, this precious little pony was born weighing a very cute... SIX POUNDS!!!! My LITTLE Pony


Thursday, September 1, 2011

Today is a Good Day

Today is a good day, that might be because I am inside avoiding the 104 degree weather.  But I think it is also because I have made it four days and haven't wavered from my plan.  I also dusted off the treadmill last night (literally) and worked out for 30 minutes while the kiddo and I went over his spelling words.  Will tonight be as successful?  I honestly do not know.  But that is OK.  Tomorrow will be my official weigh in day.  I am going to weigh myself every Friday and TRY to not step on the scale between Fridays.  We will see how it goes.  Thanks for sticking with me everyone! 

Ah Some Cards, So Funny

I love their humor.  You really should check this site out. :)

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Educational Info Graphic

Today I thought I would make this a little more fun.  (Everyone seems worried about me, I’m fine!)  So I decided to share an info graphic.  My husband and I are both overweight.  We accept each other for who we are and put no demands on each other to look a  certain way.  Yes, we do care about each other’s health and would like us both to be thin and active, but we love each other just the way we are.  That being said, we also both have an odd sense of humor which is probably one of the reasons we work so well together.  In our five years together, we have developed names for our fatty bits.  Some you have heard before, others are unique as we made them up.  Please enjoy.

1.       Phat Head – When you are overweight, it is surprising at times that EVERYTHING on your body is overweight.  Notice how our friend, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, cannot wear a normal hat.  Oh, he may try, but as you can see it can only stay on his head tilted and clinging for life.  Any movement and that little puppy is gone with the wind.

2.       The Gobbler – Genetics were not kind to me and I have inherited what we call the gobbler.  The Gobbler is a large sac of fat that settles itself around the neck.  It looks like an inflated turtle neck sweater.  It is miserable and if I was disgustingly wealthy I would have it removed immediately.  Even if I were thin, I am certain I would have a small double chin. 

3.       Pudgy Snasauge Fingers – As stated in the first point, EVERYTHING is overweight.  That means you can give up buying normal jewelry, rings, necklaces, bracelets, etc. all need to be a special size.  And it is heart wrenching to see the same jewelry dangle and fall off a normally sized person. 

4.       Bye-Bye – I wish I could claim this but alas I cannot, a friend in high school created the name and it stuck with me.  We call the dangly fat under our arms “bye-bye’s” because if you wave at someone the fat will wave too.

5.       Woot/Moot – This one is gender specific.  Woot for female, Moot for male. This term came from an accidental slip of the lounge and it stayed with us.  One day my beloved and I were horsing around when I pinned him down in his chair.  He declared “GET OFF MY MAN MOOT!”  We both laughed so hard and decided that *oot was a good name for that part of the body.   

6.       Thigh-Bye – A clever play off of Bye-Bye.  For the same basic reasons.

7.       Jankles – This is what I call my janky ankles after a day of walking on them, especially after a day in heels. 

8.       Phat Foots – As stated previously, EVERYTHING is overweight.  Good luck finding shoes that fit, especially if you are lucky like me and already have wide feet.

I hope you enjoyed the info graphic, I was thinking about it all day.  Weight loss isn’t a bad thing, it’s a very good thing!  And having a sense of humor about it makes it that much more doable.  Have fun with me everyone!  J

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The me I do not like to see

I posted my first fat photo on facebook today.  What I mean by that is I used a photo that is not meticulously angled to hide my neck fat and crop out my wideness. 
Here is an example, what I would normally post....

 What I posted today........

It is simply a photo of me.  I am surprised by how difficult it is for me to look at it.  I know that is what I look like, but in my head I still look like I did in high school, a size 18.  People have given me kind words about my blog and my photo, it’s hard not to think that they still criticize me.  But that is what I have to move past.  I have to quit caring so much about what other people think of me.  It is an emotional trap that I have been stuck in for years.  I know who I am.  I know where I fail in life, but I also know where I succeed.  So I am terrible at proper nutrition and portion control.  I am great at making people feel at ease.  I am creative and somewhat talented, I have to stop letting my physical self hold me back. 

Two cans of Slimfast and a granola bar so far today.  Still thinking about food.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Day 1

Not sure if I will continue to count the days, it seems a little pointless because I am hoping to change my life for good, not just for a few months.  But here is where I am today.  It is a late summer day outside my office window and I have not eaten real food today.  That is where my mind is.  I could be thinking about other things, but all I can think about is what I haven't eaten.  I am trying the Slimfast plan again.  It usually works to take off about 10 -15 pounds.  But I know I cannot continue on this diet.  This is a temporary start.  It works well with the budget and it is easy enough to control.  How do skinny people think?  Do they look outside and think about the weather, or do they think about how great that clump of broccoli was?  Can I ever not think of food on a steady basis? 

I know I need to incorporate exercise into my life.  It was easier when I was 22.  A jog after dinner wasn't that big of a deal, I even enjoyed it a little.  But now it is different.  I am heavier, my joints hurt more and my schedule is much more demanding then it was back then.  I can come up with hundreds of excuses for why I "can't" but none of them cancel out why I "should".  I know it will not happen tonight.  When I leave the office I will pick up my son, go home and eat dinner with the family and then take the kiddo to guitar lessons.  By the time all of that is over I will need to review my homework and turn it in, get the kiddo to bed, fold some laundry and fall into bed myself.  Tomorrow is very similar.  It is the kiddo's birthday so we will be having pizza and treats for dinner, plus there is a school event I am required to attend.  No exercise for two days.  Yes I know I could do this in the mornings but it never works out well for me.  Either I sleep in too late or I work out too long. 

See, really good at the excuses. 

Why Share This

My name is Martha, I go by Martie because I hate my name.  The reason I hate my name is the fact that I was teased relentlessly by children in public school.  I was teased for three reasons, 1. I was named Martha, 2. I was and still am very odd, and 3. I am a fat girl.  Now as a woman of 31 years, I am still the same little Martha hiding from the world.  Online I am fun and outgoing, in person I am terrified of judgement and avoid social situations as much as possible. 

Perhaps this very public blog will help to motivate me to stick to a weight-loss plan.  Thinking about those who read this and regularly check back in to see if there is progress, might just push me to my goal.  My current weight is 256 lbs.  That is drastic considering I am only five feet and two inches tall. 

So what if I fail.....again?  Maybe this blog will help me to accept who I am.  I will never be the thin, tall woman of American media.  I will always be short, chubby and frumpy.  I hope to learn to love Martha for who she is and stop trying to hide her with angled photos and baggy clothing.