Here I am on day three of getting with it. Things feel different this time, I really feel like it is going to happen. At least, I can hold out for a while. Usually I make all kinds of plans, make it one day, then the smallest obstacle comes up and I am back to my old habits. Not this time. This time I am feeling pretty darn good.
Today they are having birthday treats at the office. The third Wednesday of every month we bring in birthday treats for the office. First the email goes out, and then I see people walking by my office with donuts, crackers, dip and more. This has been a test for me today. The first day was easier; I was excited about the change. I was able to turn down ice cream and margaritas. Yesterday was a bit harder; the evening snack time was more tempting. Today I am struggling. I had oatmeal for breakfast; it was filling until about 15 minutes ago. Now my tummy is growling and I want to eat.
|How I feel sitting next to the normal-sized folk|
I’ve always loved the feeling of hunger, mostly because it was a signal that I could eat some more. Yes I love to eat. It is a beautiful moment in my day where I get to indulge, I get to enjoy, and I am in control. I can choose what I feed my body, and I can choose what sounds the most pleasurable. And I can always convince myself that the least nutritious choice is the best. I think about ways I have “earned” this treat, either by referencing some accomplishment, or by consoling myself after a disappointment. Yes the reason to indulge in a poor diet is easy to find. The reason to be steadfast and properly feed my body is never as attractive as melty cheese and crispy crust.
|Edited to protect your delicate sensibilities.|
The last few days I have noticed the feeling of hunger more as it is growing more deeply within me. I know I need to have a few healthy snacks between meals to keep my metabolism going, but I haven’t found my go-to snack just yet. But I will. For now I am embracing the feeling of hunger. My stomach growls and I close my eyes, take a deep breath and focus on the feeling. I focus on the intensity of it. I think about how this feeling is a helpful sign and not a green flag to binge. I do not allow myself to simply react to the feeling by grabbing whatever is closest. I stop and I think about what I have eaten and what I should eat, or if I should eat. I focus on the beauty of the hunger, and how selfish I have been all of these years.
This post is running long; I will expand on it next time. Thanks for reading!