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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The me I do not like to see

I posted my first fat photo on facebook today.  What I mean by that is I used a photo that is not meticulously angled to hide my neck fat and crop out my wideness. 
Here is an example, what I would normally post....

 What I posted today........

It is simply a photo of me.  I am surprised by how difficult it is for me to look at it.  I know that is what I look like, but in my head I still look like I did in high school, a size 18.  People have given me kind words about my blog and my photo, it’s hard not to think that they still criticize me.  But that is what I have to move past.  I have to quit caring so much about what other people think of me.  It is an emotional trap that I have been stuck in for years.  I know who I am.  I know where I fail in life, but I also know where I succeed.  So I am terrible at proper nutrition and portion control.  I am great at making people feel at ease.  I am creative and somewhat talented, I have to stop letting my physical self hold me back. 

Two cans of Slimfast and a granola bar so far today.  Still thinking about food.

1 comment:

  1. Martie, you are not somewhat talented: you are VERY talented. Remember that! I see what you mean about angling the photos, but I still don't think you see yourself as we see you. When I look at you, size descriptors don't enter my head. Instead, I see a beautiful woman with a great smile, big brown eyes, and fantastic curly hair (which I'm sure can be a pain, but I still want). When I saw you the other day, I was struck as I came down the stiars by how your eyes shine and illuminate your face. That's the Martie I see.